Friday, 31 December 2010
I had my unltrasound scan the Wednesday before Christmas and am waiting for the results. They spotted a fibroid which might be the cause of all of my problems but my ovaries were clear! I can't believe it having been diagnosed with Polycycstic Ovary Syndrome before I had the children. I am wondering if the chemo actually cleared my ovaries and thats why my body has gone into overdrive. Who knows? I just want to sort this problem out.
I am worried about my mum though as she is all out of sorts and not looking her usual self. I think Christmas time brings back memories and when you have lost a child and your parents, it must hurt so badly. I know that when I was on FB just before Christmas there was a bit of banter going on about what are your best Christmas memories and I started to think about them.... I got very sad, very angry because I realised just how much I miss my big brother Peter. He may have been dead for 20 years but sometimes it feels like 20 minutes.
I have decided not to go near FB for the next few days. I find new year and the way people treat it quite maudling and I would rather not put myself through it all in my own home. I don't want to look at the past and what has happened, I want to look to the here and now and the future....
So I am sitting here, Carry On Camping on the television and a dog on each side. The children are happy playing and all is peaceful for now.
I have decided that 2011 is going to be my year..............
Wednesday, 15 December 2010
I had a long wait to see Dr Soe, scarey really at the age range of patients waiting to see various surgeons etc. Made me feel like a child!!
Dr Soe was very pleasant although I much prefered Dr Champion, she was direct and outspoken but you knew exactly where you were with her. Dr Soe is so quiet and gentle and I always struggle to understand him. Anyway, he was happy with my situation and explained that the Tamoxifen is causing menopausal symptoms, it doesnt mean that I am going through the menopause.... He is going to expidite my abdominal scan and praised my GP for taking the right action.
I won't have to see Dr Soe again until December 2011 and after that I will be left in the care of the surgeons. Its all good news, I feel as though I have lived in the unit for 22 months so to have all of this free time is liberating.
After doing my 10K race I hit a bit of a slump. Craving all of the wrong food, having no get up and go. Glad to say that I got it back today and feel very much like myself again.
I have changed gyms because I feel that I have outgrown my old gym, its very small and I want something which will be challenging for me. I have also decided to give a low GI diet a go because I am fed up of diets and want to do something which all of the family can do with me.
My eldest son has decided that he quite likes running having done it at school so I have promised him that I will start to train him.
I have also decided to get my business up and running again although I wont be working evenings as I did before and I will limit myself to one day only.
Sunday, 12 December 2010
Today it was all about sticking the V's up to cancer and drawing a line under the last 22 months. I was also raising money for the Love Hope Strength Foundation because not only is it a global cancer charity but its co-founder Mike Peters has got me through my own fight with cancer because of his music, his tenacity, his positivity and the fact he will never give up.
A big and huge thank you to my lovely friend Lesley Kenton who not only took me to the race but sat there waiting for me in the freezing cold, took photos for me and was there to cheer me on over the finish line. That meant the world to me, thank you Lesley xxx
Not too sweaty but damp because of the freezing fog. My chest hurts right now but I have time to recover. I now need to set a new challenge for myself....... what will it be???
Wednesday, 8 December 2010
I am writing the names of fellow fighters onto pink ribbons and pinning them to my running jacket. Nimblerunner gave me the idea and while I was out on my 3 mile run this morning I was battling with mental fatigue. I thought of all the people who have touched my life through cancer and all of those who have supported me by sponsoring me and that got me through the mental barrier. I thought that it would be good to wear those peoples name with pride on Sunday, that way you will all be with me.
Training has been hit and miss because of school holidays and the weather of course. Running in sub zero temps has been hard work. Trying to run on black ice has been tiring as well. I am not a fast runner. I can manage a 3 mile run in 36 minutues and a 6 mile in about an hour and 20 - I wished I was faster but I am short and I have just finished 20 months of cancer treatment so I should give myself a break shouldnt I?
Ah well, I am not sure if I will be able to get pictures on the day because I think I will leave the boys at home but we will see.
Sunday, 28 November 2010
Saturday, 27 November 2010
Please give Nimble Runner your support.
Friday, 26 November 2010
Thursday, 25 November 2010
I am due to run my first 10K in a couple of weeks time and so far I have raised £455 for The Love Hope Strength Cancer Foundation! I am nervous and excited because once I cross that finish line, I know for a fact that I have beaten cancer.
The other side effects aren't pleasant such as the hot flushes but I read an article which said that if you had these when taking tamoxifen the cancer is less likely to return - bring em on then, thats what I say!
I am starting to think about returning to work as a mobile dog groomer. However, if and when I do return, big changes will have to be made......
I need a smaller and lighter grooming table and a smaller grooming box in which I carry only what I need for the appointment. I will also keep my appointments to one particular day, I thought of a Tuesday because Joe does a ju-jitsu class on that day and I can book Harry into after school club and take my last booking at 3pm.
When I was last running as Clippers and Claws I was a bit of a softy, taking on clients and exhausting myself in the process. This time around I must be tougher, more assertive. Stick to the designated day and time I have decided upon and NO night work!
I will let you know how I get on!
Monday, 22 November 2010
Thursday, 14 October 2010
Friday, 8 October 2010
I was so sad to be saying goodbye to all of the staff at the Shooting Star Unit. We have had a relationship spanning almost 2 years and I have come to know them all like friends. I will pop in to say hello every now and again though.
So I had a range of emotions..... sadness, relief, scared!!!
I feel as though cancer is a thing of the past for me now, onwards and upwards is what I want to keep saying. The world is my oyster.
Before cancer I didnt have much self confidence, I would never "go it alone" but now, with my second chance at life I am grabbing it with both hands. I would have come up with countless excuses for not going to gigs but now I am making excuses for why I shouldnt go.
Life is for living and I am doing that to the full!
Saturday, 2 October 2010
I had everything to live for at the start of 2008. A successful mobile dog grooming business, two gorgeous sons, a niceish home and I had just finished therapy following some difficult periods in my life: family break up, death of my big brother at 25, breakup of a 7 year relationship, infertility, having my sons diagnosed with autism........ Life was starting to pick up.
One day, I was about to start grooming a little Bichon Frise called Ruby. I was chatting to her owner and she told me something which caused me to put my left hand to my chest to say "how awful", as I did that I felt a lump.
I went hot, cold, numb all in the space of a few seconds and during that time a whole stream of thoughts plundered through my head. Do I continue with the dog? Do I go home? The Doctors surgery is closed theres nothing I can do until the morning? Is it really there? How do I tell my husband? In the end I decided to carry on as normal.
Within two weeks I received my hospital appointment. Initial consultation was with a registrar and after that I had a mammogram and ultrasound scan. I returned to the tiny consultation room which was filled with the registrar, the consultant, the nurse and a MacMillan nurse so I knew it wasn't good. This was confirmed following 2 attempts to get a sample from the lump failed by the registrar and the consultant swept her away and I nearly hit the roof!
My diagnosis was confirmed 5 days later. Stage 3 HER2 positive, hormone sensitive breast cancer. The lump was the size of a 10 pence piece and the cancer was the aggressive type. My consultant told me that because I was young (nice compliment to receive) he was going to hit me with everything they had.
On Friday 13th February 2009 I had a lumpectomy. I wasn't sure at that point whether I would require further surgery because of the size of the lump but luckily, having G cups is an advantage and the lump was removed with good clearance and the cancer had not spread to my lymph nodes so only 3 were removed.
Following that I received 12 rounds of chemotherapy from March to October and 15 rounds of radiotherapy. Following that 18 rounds of Herceptin over a year.
|2nd October 2010 - My scar is it is today 20 months after surgery|
|Slightly better picture of my 20 month old scar. It healed badly because of a massive haematoma|
|Friends and family kept me going through treatment|
|December 2009, my hair had been growing for 4 months and I had just had my first hair cut to take the dead ends off|
|When it started to grow back I was like a Kiwi|
|Not a good look! No hair, no eyebrows, no eye lashes and a swollen face due to the drugs and steroids|
|20 Months on and I still can't wear my wedding ring|
|Once it starts to grow it comes through quite quickly|
|Not such a good picture but trying to show the damage the canulas do|
The one thing that nobody prepared me for was how invalided I would be following my treatment. I expected to be back to normal once my chemo was over but I wasn't and this was a bit of a shock. I have been left with side effects which I am learning to deal with.
- Aching hands due to neuropathy caused by chemo and damaged veins due to over 40 canulisations
- Aching back due to hormonal changes and the drug herceptin
- Swollen fingers and feet due to the drugs I am receiving
- Poor digestive system for which I am medicated
- Fatigue which I battle through
- Chemo brain: Inability to multi task, concentrate, I lose words etc. Memory is not good
However: I have lost my "cancer" weight - its been a long hard battle to do so, taking me a year because I am still fighting the effects of Herceptin and Tamoxifen which make it hard to lose weight. My hair is growing back, thick and the same colour as before and yesterday ............ I ran 3 miles - my furthest since I had cancer.
In December 2010 I am running my first 10K - something I was due to do just before I was diagnosed. For me, this will be an emotional event because although my running time is still compromised, I will do that race, I will cross the line and I will stick the V's up to cancer. I am raising money for the Love Hope Strength Cancer Foundation because the co-founders of the charity have done so much for me to get me through my battle. Its my way of saying thanks!
If you are just facing the start of the fight, here are some tips;
- Stay positive and keep smiling - cancer feeds on negative emotion
- When you go for treatment, dress up and put your favourite clothes on, it helps you get through the ordeal
- Don't be afraid to question your treatment, ask for ways that the treatment can be made easier for you. For example: if oral anti-sickness tablets pre treatment aren't working, ask for them IV, ask for emula cream prior to canulisation or ask them to use freeze spray
- When you finish treatment, don't expect too much of yourself. I felt totally wiped out for at least 6 months after chemo ended and even now, 12 months on I have dips
- Allow yourself a down day but dont dwell on it. Accept your down day, go with the flow but make sure you are up the next day - remember, cancers best friend is grief, stress etc
- Try not to feel guilty when other fighters fall. I have experienced survivors guilt and its natural but try to turn it around to carrying on your fight in their honour
- You have been given a second chance at life - GO AHEAD AND GRAB IT, LOVE AND LIVE EACH DAY FOR WHATEVER IT IS, YESTERDAY IS HISTORY, TOMORROW IS A MYSTERY - TODAY IS THE DAY!
Monday, 27 September 2010
I picked some blackberries! My intention is to make some yummy Blackberry Brandy for Christmas but I will probably use some for muffins too. I will get some more tomorrow. I made some Apple Muffins this afternoon, I need to get down to my mums to get my hands on some of her apples before the frost sets in.
Just made some gluten/wheat free bread, the first time I have made this type of bread so I will let you know the results (if I remember) in my next posting.
Training is coming on well, I am almost up to 5K and working on doubling it in time for the race. I am cross training with my cycling and horse riding. I find that riding Cola stretches out my leg muscles after a long run.
If you are reading this and haven't sponsored me yet, please consider visiting my Just Giving page and making a donation. I am nearly at the £300 mark, it would be great to exceed that!
Saturday, 25 September 2010
After many weeks of being unable to communicate with our best friends up on the hill, it is with great joy that I can confirm that not only do they have telephonic access but internet too!
We went up there today and boy was it cold! You can take the temperature here and knock more than a few degrees off it! Luckily I did go prepared with my fleece but forgot my boots. Thank you Eleri for letting my borrow your pom pom boots again!
It was so nice to see my friends again. I enjoyed long reigning Robbie with Llinos up the hill even though it nearly killed me! Those hills are steep. I cant believe that I am fit but get puffed when I walk up that hill with her!
Wednesday, 22 September 2010
|Cola for Company|
What a busy start to the day!
First off was a whistle stop visit to Cola before 7am. His stable was quite wet so I ended up removing the shavings and swilling down his rubber matting. Mental note to self: must remember to take the discinfectant to the yard with me...... He was pleased to see me this early, I think he has clicked that if I am that early he doesn't get ridden just put straight out to grass.
Once that mission was complete it was off to the hospital with Harry for his eye test. He was being tested for Irlen Syndrome, an eye disfunction which can go hand in hand with dyslexia. Sadly, the test was kind of inconclusive because it had to be done using numbers rather than words due to Harry's poor reading standard. Result: he took away a magenta over lay with him for school and at home and they will re-assess him in 3 months time.
Anyway, I am still suffering the effects of Chemo and when I do too much mental work which I have over the last two days, I suffer with "chemo brain" which is what has hit me this afternoon. I have the luxury of being able to rest when these episodes hit me and that is what I have done today.
Maybe tomorrow I will take some more shots of Killing for Company's infamous "stickers" - where will the next one appear?????
Tuesday, 21 September 2010
Friday, 10 September 2010
However, the vet has advised me that Cola does need to lose weight. He is a "good doer" so can put weight on with thin air. I have decided to bring him in at night now so that his grazing is restricted and rinse his hay to remove the dust and sugars.
Thursday, 9 September 2010
Tuesday, 7 September 2010
Thursday, 19 August 2010
I have been getting back into running and need to lose at least a stone in weight but I work best with a challenge. This is why I have entered myself into the Tatton Hall Yule Yomp 10K on 12th December 2010. Its a good time of year for me because I prefer winter running and the circuit is on National Trust property so it will be beautiful. I don't care if I come last, the main thing for me is the taking part and flicking the proverbial V's to cancer!
I am running this race to raise money for a global cancer charity called The Love Hope Strength Foundation so if you see the Just Giving widget at the side of my blog, please consider making a donation to help spur me on.
The foundation does alot of work in the UK and I have just volunteered to help out on their bone marrow drive at local gigs. The USA part of the foundation have already had a phenomenal success.
Thursday, 12 August 2010
Mike is from North Wales, not far from where I live and has been treated in some of the same cancer units as I have. The Love Hope Strength Foundation has funded many of the new facilities where I have been treated so folks, I have directly benefited from the Love Hope Strength Foundations fundraising.
Oh where to begin telling you what they have done in the last 3 years. It has been totally amazing. They have rocked Mount Snowdon, they are about to rock Rhondda again next weekend. Everest, Kilimanjaro, Mount Fuji... the list goes on. They climb to the summit and rock it with their guitars!
They have established a bone marrow drive in the USA and are doing the same in the UK. At the Rhuddlan Rocks gig last weekend they established 75 matches. All you have to do is be under 40 (counts me out), cancer free (counts me out again) and give a saliva sample.
Please please please, follow my links and look at the work they are doing and have done. You can follow them on facebook and twitter.
I was amazed and honoured to be rocking to my all time favourite band in such historic surroundings. My friend Sherry Binns-Smyth has been reading a novel based at Rhuddlan Castle and she asked me to kick some stones for her to defy King Edward I who built the castle in order to subdue us welshies. I willingly did this for her!
At the end of the night the litter strewn across the castle grounds was disgusting so Jason, myself and Lesley stayed behind to help clear up. Its something I feel passionately about, respect for others, for our surroundings and our heritage! I was able to have a brief chat with Mikes wife Jules and yes, with a few glasses of wine under my belt I had the courage to run up to Mike and give him a big bear hug! Why? because he has kept me going not only through life but in my cancer fight. The times I have felt like not going on I have had a message from Jules or I have put on Mikes music and I have continued the fight.
Monday, 9 August 2010
I do apologise for the poor sound quality on these videos but they were shot using my camara. "Walk Forever By My Side" was dedicated to Mikes wife Jules and their two sons Dylan and Evan.
The second video is of Mike singing with Fowler from Ocean Colour Scene.
The "doors" opened at 4pm and we entered the historic ruins of Rhuddlan castle. Never in my life could I have imagined seeing my all time favourite band play in this part of my ancestry. I was honoured and humbled to be there.
The gig was organised in order to raise money for Mikes charity The Love Hope Strength Foundation which is commited to combatting cancer on a global basis. Please visit their web site and look into their work.
Saturday, 7 August 2010
Friday, 6 August 2010
Thursday, 5 August 2010
I will miss the staff at the Shooting Star Unit in Wrexham Hospital because it has been an 18 month relationship with them and I have got to know some of the nurses so well.
I was happy to pass on some hints and tips for a lady who had just received her last dose of chemo and was going for radiotherapy. I told her to order some diprobase from the doctor and use it all of the time. To buy some breast pads and put chilled diprobase on them and slip them into the bra.
Radiotherapy works over a period of time so at first you think "great, no side effects" but by the end of 3 weeks your skin looks and feels badly burned. It soon passes though but with the help of these creams things can be so much better.
Tuesday, 3 August 2010
My big brother Peter Geraint Kyffin died on 10th September 1990 at 6.42am. He crashed his car on the Mold Road in Wrexham on his way to work. He was driving his white RS Turbo when his tyre blew and he riquoted into a lamp post which killed him instantly. He was 25 years old. He had a daughter who had just celebrated her first birthday and recovered from a round of chicken pox.
My neice is going to be 21 years old later on in the month and on 1st August she became a mum herself.
I can't believe that my big brother is a grandad/taid! In my mind and heart he is forever 25.
Monday, 2 August 2010
Simple Knitting by Erika Knight was supplied to me by Amazon Vine but can be purchased from www.amazonuk.com It is a brilliant book for those interested in knitting but are beginners like me. The layout is simple, well illustrated and there are some good projects in there. My mother in law suggested knitting as a way of working my hands to heal them and I am going to give it a go so guess what everyone is going to get for Christmas this year!
I still love painting my stones. I recently picked some slate from the welsh hillside for painting on with really good results. I still keep my prayer stones for those I think of in their struggles with illnesss. You can see Barry's stone there.....
Sunday, 1 August 2010
We decided to go along for a trip out and weren't too sure what to expect. There were roman tents set up where they were cooking roman type food. Harry got to have a roman coin made for him and the displays were pretty good.
The best part of the afternoon was when the roman re-enactors asked the children to come forward and dress up in costume. They were then drilled and marched! The parents didn't escape lightly though because they had to become the celts and fight the romans. My son Joe is pictured on the front row with a crooked helmet.
Saturday, 31 July 2010
I have a condition called Polycystic Ovary Syndrome which was diagnosed when I was trying to start a family but couldn't. I knew something was wrong anyway because I went from a tiny, slender girl to a plump one with boobs literally overnight... well... in a space ofn 3 months. I might add that this was after I had suffered a breakdown following the death of my brother and I had an eating dishorder. Once I started to eat again thats when things went wrong.
I have battled with my weight since that time but I got to goal after I had Harry and remained there until I decided to have the meriner coil fitted which has hormones in it. From the time it was fitted to the time I had it removed I piled on 2 and a half stone in weight. I was just starting to get rid of it when I had my cancer diagnosis.
I have now lost all the cancer weight but now I am in that position where I need to get rid of the hormone weight.
Its so hard especially when you hit a plateau like I have.
When the children return to school in September I can get my old routines back in place... dog walking, running and riding then hopefully, by Christmas I will have reached my goal.
Friday, 30 July 2010
Monday, 26 July 2010
Oh yes, just looked outside and its raining again!
This weekend was spent on the welsh mountains at our friends house. She took me to see a wonderful cottage which would be my dream place but sadly its only up for rent. It has land, it is massive with 4 bedrooms and a utility room which could be converted into a grooming parlour. Best of all, no neighbours so I wouldn't have to worry about the dogs excessive barking, the kids could go out to play without worrying about poeples gardens, the children being too noisy, and best of all we would have peace... Its good to have dreams.
I did a silly thing! I used the self checkout machine at the supermarket and only went and left my debit card there so today I need to take a trip out there to pick it up. On the way, I will take my kids for a walk somewhere so we will go prepared with wellies and waterproofs. Watch out for a posting with photographs.
I won in my fight to stop the selling off of Darland High School Tennis Courts, just by the by, thought you would like to know that! I raised a petition of 673 signatures and the plans were dismissed by a respectful majority. If you are interested in hearing more then I will do a seperate blog.
If you are reading this, please could you do me a favour........ log onto Amazon and download a single. It is by a band called Killing for Company and the name of the single is Former Mining Town. The band has recently lost its drummer, Stuart Cable who died suddenly at the age of 40. An amazing person who was full of life, the single has been released in his honour. The proceeds will be split between two great charities which are The Teenage Cancer Trust and Ty Hafan which is a charity caring for children with terminal illnesses. The single only costs 79 pence, so its not much is it but it would help the band, Stuarts family and friends come to terms with their shocking loss whilst supporting two brilliant charities.
The following videos are as a tribute to Stuart Cable. The first one is by his former band The Stereophonics but personally I LOVE the last video "Born Yesterday" where you can see just how passionate Stuart was about his music.
Tuesday, 13 July 2010
Mike got hit by leukemia about 12 or so years ago, he won his fight only to be hit again with a different form of the disease which is not curable but treatable. Since his diagnosis he founded the LHSF, rocked Snowdon 4 times, Kili, Everest, Rhondda to name but a few. An amazingly talented guy with an equally amazing wife, Jules Jones Peters.
I really wanted to go to the Wrexham Hospital buskathon and Jules invited me to help the team out which I would have truly loved to have done. However, it was my eldest sons induction evening at his new high school so I was unable to make it. I decided to take some flowers for Jules as a show of support and was going to leave them in reception with a little note. When we got to the car park, who should be getting out of their car but Mike, Jules and Matt. To say that God works in mysterious ways is an understatement because I was able to hand the flowers over personally and introduce them to my sons. I was over the moon.
On Monday I went out for an amazing run! Its funny how I come up with the best ideas and thoughts when I am running so I must invest in a dicatphone so that it can come with me on my runs. As I ran in the rain on Monday, I was overcome by the beauty of the world, not just visually but the smell, the rain, it was amazing. I was then struck by the thought that heck, the world is the only treadmill you need. With that thought in mind, I laughed, I jumped and had myself a pretty amazing run.
Our local council has been trying to sell off our high schools tennis courts for development. I instigated a petition and my friend Judy helped me and together we got 673 signatures against the sell off. Judy wrote to the executive council and we were invited to the executive meeting in order to hand over our petition and lodge our objections.
It was quite a heated debate but our community councillor Hugh Jones put forward an amazing argument against the plans. Basically hightlighting the fact that the council had acted in an underhand way and had not made it clear to the board of school govenors the amount of land in question. He also highlighted the fact that selling of school land was against the councils pledge and that of the government. He raised the fact that Prince William was heading a campaign to stop the sale of school land and actually quoted him as saying "recreational land is not a luxury it is a necessity..." He highlighted the fact that Sport for Wales and The Fields in Trust were on our side in preserving the school land. He also drew attention to the fact that in 2009 a survey conducted in our village showed a serious shortfall in recreational facilities.
I am pleased to report that the council voted against going ahead with the planned sell off much to the aggitation of those involved in finance!
So I must report a pretty successful few days!
Friday, 9 July 2010
When I finished, what I call, the radical part of my treatment in October 2009, I really thought that I had cracked it. I had been operated on, poisened and burned and life would resume as normal.
How wrong I was.
My first realisation came early in the year of 2010 when I finally realised and accepted that I was not as physically strong as I had previously been. It was a shock I can tell you because I expected to pick up where I left off! I accepted the situation, grieved a little bit and moved on.
Today, my second realisation hit me. Chemo Brain! Yes, I am suffering with chemo brain or cognitive disfunction. It basically means that I have word retrieval difficulties, word/name memory difficulties, sequencing and feel confused alot. I can no longer multi task as I used to, my short term memory is shocking....
Today I hit meltdown. I had a good cry then went off for a run to clear my head and get rid of the negative energies in my body. After 15 minutes of a 45 minute run I realised that my chemo brain and subsequent melt down this morning has given me an understanding of what it is like to have autism, or cognitive difficulties. I then felt a bit guilty because I am in a situation that I can rest my brain but children with ASD are unable to do this. When my son has his next melt down, I will know exactly how he is feeling and I am better able to deal with him.
30 minutes into my 45 minute run, my brain started to work again and my thoughts became less random and by the end of the run I was laughing and picking the seeds off the long grass as I ran past.
My head is still fragile, it won't take much for me to hit melt down again but I can grow from today now that I have accepted my situation and put in place strategies for us all to cope as a cognitive disfunctional family.
Monday, 5 July 2010
I am so proud of my son because we are now discussing literacy and academics rather than behaviour, speech, language and communication. He has made so much progress and his self esteem has been raised so I am hoping that the literacy will start to come.
I went to Glyndwr University this evening to see an Autistic adult give a talk. Well, what an amazing talk it was.... witty, humerous and enlightening. I have a better understanding of what my boys are going through, how they see life and why they do the things they do. Best of all, it has given me hope that my boys will become well rounded adults.
I could write pages and pages on my life with autistic children but I won't because words cannot adequately describe what life is like.
All I can say is that my life is so much better for having my autistic children, it has made me a stronger and better person and I enjoy dealing with their little ways.
Autism is such a broad spectrum..... well..... thats why they call it a spectrum. No one ASD person is the same or affected by the same things. My children do have sensory issues..... light, sound, taste, texture etc, we think H may have dyslexia, they have compulsions and OCD habits but we live our life around them and deal with them. It is hard having autistic children, nobody can ever understand just how hard it is for us as parents and them as human beings living in this crazy world.
There is hope for my boys, and now that the condition is being discussed, and people are becoming more aware of it, tolerance is growing.
One thing the condition has taught me is that I don't give a fig what other people think of me or my children...... I believe in me and most of all I believe in them, nothing else matters!
Sunday, 4 July 2010
I realised that all of my life I have had "Monkeys on my Back". These monkeys aren't good, they are not nice, they hung onto me for all their worth but I shook them off. The monkeys come in all shapes and forms and their names are;
Low Self Esteem
The only monkey I have been able to get rid of completely is Infertility! Yes, I got rid of you because I have my two wonderful sons who I had to fight hard for and wait many years for.
Thursday, 1 July 2010
I hate the way I look at the moment... my body is not mine and my hair is not mine....
However, I am getting back into shape slowly. My energy levels are much higher than they were so that I can push myself through the pain of back ache and do all of the things I enjoy. My running is going really well as is my swimming and aqua jogging. I love riding Cola but the only down side about that is my back hurts so much when I ride.
My hair is growing slowly too. I am striving for a short, chin length bob then after that, maybe a bit longer. It will be nice to feel feminine again.
The weight is coming off slowly but I am determined to get there. I am within a healthy BMI range now which takes the pressure off me a little. My fingers and toes are still swollen and sadly, I still can't wear my wedding, engagement or eternity rings.
I am enjoying life with a passion now. I have been given a second chance and I recognise that.
Summer is coming and with that brings all sorts of changes in the lives of my sons. Joe will be finishing at primary school and moving on to High School, we are attending his last ever primary school sports day tomorrow....
Harry will be moving up to year 5.... I am wondering how he will cope with the change and the fact that Joe won't be there.... I know he is worried because he keeps asking me questions about it, seeking confirmation.
I wish Harry could remain with his existing class teacher because she has worked wonders with him this year. His self esteem has gone up and with that so to has his reading and writing. He still has a long way to go but he is coping much better with life these days.