Steaking!

Hmmmm.... streaking..... for me it conjures up images of people running naked!!!!

But no, its not!

Streaking is about running.

I have been off my running during the summer because I tend to get very hot when I exercise and if I over heat I become very ill. This has become worse ever since my cancer treatments so I really do have to be careful.

There has been a heatwave this year and its rendered me completely useless. I have been unable to run, walk the dogs, ride my horse or literally do anything. 

I was feeling pretty low about my running, especially as I am taking part in Erddigs 5K race in September which I am doing to raise a bit of money for North Clwyd Animal Rescue. Then in Septembers issue of Running for Women there was something in it about streaking. Of course it grabbed my attention for obvious reasons but I am glad I did because it has revolutionised my running!

I have set myself my own personal goal of running every day for a week for one mile each run. I am currently on day 5 and still trying to get my head around the liberating feeling this has given me. I am not running for long enough to over heat, I can run at any time of the day and am not restricted to early morning and its short enough to fit it in at any time.

I am hoping to fulfil my target of a week - 7 days and 7 miles and then perhaps another week.

It has rekindled and revived my love of running and is definitely something I will do during summer months when I can't cope with the heat.


( photo courtesy of google chrome)

Countdown

Well here it is, Sunday night and the weekend is over almost. It's been quite a nice weekend, Jason was home on Saturday and today I have spent the entire day deep cleaning my living room. I made a list of all the jobs which needed doing and made a start. I have got through most of the list but will start again tomorrow.

My Nain used to say "The Devil Makes Work for Idle Hands" and she always suggested scrubbing floors if you were feeling down. I can tell you that it does work! It kept my mind occupied and probably helped me to burn a few calories.

The funny thing about this last week or so is that my back ache has almost disappeared, I wasnt able to walk at one point and now its (touch wood) gone! All I can think is that Him upstairs must think I have enough on my plate with the dodgy boob and Wilbur.

So.... Monday, Tuesday then D-day Wednesday.....

Oh boy.... Weds is an important day for my family!

I get my results at 9.30am and then I can get on with my life whatever the outcome.

Wilbur goes for an MRI scan to find out the extent of his spinal damage then we decide on what needs to be done.

I am more worried about my little dog than I am about me. I understand what is happening to me but he hasn't got a clue. I can't explain to him that the painkillers he keeps spitting out and hiding in his beard are actually good for him or that come Wednesday we will know how to stop his pain.

I had so many plans for Wilbur. I waited until he was over 1 and I started running with him. I had a special belt around my waist and the line attached to Wilbur was like a bungy rope. I was even considering entering into some CaniX events (running races with your dog) but it looks as though that is over for us now.

My other dog Pickles is a dreadful runner! The only time she runs is if something edable has dropped onto the floor!

Talking about running, as I have had the go ahead from the orthopedic team I am starting running again as from tomorrow. I follow the ZEST Running Made Easy programme and I know that over time I will be ready for a 10K race again. I have to use my posh new Garmin which my dad got me for Christmas!!!

If you are considering running its important that you follow these bits of advice. I have been running for a few years now with my break when I was having treatment and I have researched the subject quite alot.

Your CV system is easier and faster to train than your muscular/skeletol so you might feel you can pound the road for mile after mile but this will lead to injury. Walking is just as important as running and combining the two in a slow build up programme will significantly decrease the risk of injury.

When buying footware, go to a specialist shop and have your gait analysed. I had mine done in Chester. I also chose the shoes there and the size (always go one size up from your normal shoe size) but I didnt buy them from there, I took the details home, googled them and got them for £25 cheaper!

Running shoes have to be replaced regularly!

The other thing I would suggest if you are a lady is - get yourself a decent sports bra even if you are small busted. I feel as though I am suffocating when I am in mine !

So I have a few plans for the week ahead. Mainly housework and dog walking but I am tense about Wednesday for a few reasons.

CT Scan Results

Went into hospital today for the results of the CT scan. Dr Soe was very happy, smiley, bouncy and told me that my bones were clear. However, there was a visible line on my sacram which is the triangular shaped bone at the bottom of your spine which slots into the pelvis.

He explained that cancer shows up as "spots" on the bones, or a cluster of spots and rarely in a line. The line indicates a fracture and he asked whether I had had an accident.

I have had a problem with that side of my back since I was young so anything could have caused it, indeed I have had many falls off horses in my time. Chemotherapy and hormone therapy plus my rush into exercise post treatment has probably aggrivated the problem.

Sadly, there is no treatment for a fracture in this part of the spine but at least I will be able to go to the orthopedic section fore armed and ask them for a plan for me to get back to my old activities such as running, horse riding and walking.

No wonder I have been in so much pain! So much for having a high pain threshold, certainly doesnt do you any favours. BUT its not cancer!

2 days and Counting!!!

I have been fighting a viral infection over Christmas. One thing I have noticed since cancer, I just can't fight off infections the way I used to.

I must admit that today I was very upset, couldn't stop crying. I just want to be the Sara I was before I had cancer. Since 3 years ago next month my health seems to have been in a steady decline. I have never in my life been so fat, unfit and unhealthy. I feel so ugly all through.

Today I did wonder what the point of it all was, I really couldn't see what quality of life I have anymore. I really did lose my fight today.

So I thought about Mike Peters, I thought about other friends, had a good cry, a good moan and then came back fighting!

This year has been a difficult one for me on a lot of levels. You would have thought that 2009 or 2010 would have been worse but having finished the radical part of cancer treatment I am suddenly plunged in at the deep end tryind desperately to stay afloat.

On January 5th 2011, Poppy was run over by a tractor and died in my arms. The memory of that day haunts me. Her head looking up from the road looking for me, scooping her up into my arms, our eyes connected, she relaxed because she was with me and she died. That was the start of a terrible year.

On 14th May I lost the lynch pin of our family, my Auntie Heather. Very suddenly at the age of 65. She has always been a part of my life, always been there for us all giving support freely. Such a kind and loving person with a wicked sense of humour, I still can't believe that she is no longer with us.

I was let down by people I thought were my friends this year too. They told lies about me and attacked me on FB without due cause. If those people have the audacity to read my blog then you know who you are and shame on you.

I would refer to yet another Mike Peters song at this point so take heed and listen if you dare.



"I've been accused of being things I'm not......"

On top of this I have had a couple of cancer scares coupled with excrutiating back pain which has led me to give up my running, walking and riding.

The year finishes on the note it started.

However, in January I have a scheduled bone scan which is purely precautional, I have an orthopedic appointment to look into my back problems and my mammogram which I hope will declare me 3 years in remission!

The pain killers my doctor has prescribed me are working so once this stupid infection is gone I am hoping to be climbing the rosy slopes to good health!

See you in the new year!

Tests!

What a week I had last week. As you know I am suffering chronic back pain, it comes and goes depending on how active I am. This has resulted in me cutting back my walking and I have stopped running.

Last Wednesday I had a scheduled appointment with my oncologist and I explained the problem to him. He took the matter very seriously although not at the pain front! He organised a spine Xray and blood tests straight away and asked me to come back to clinic for the results.

Thankfully, he greeted me with huge smiles saying that he is confident that the bone scan scheduled for a later date will not show up any signs of cancer in the bones.

I visited my GP the next day and in fairness she was brilliant. She has given me a range of pain medication instructing me to start off with low doses and working my way up until my pain is under control.

I didn't realise just how much pain I have been in until those painkillers kicked in. My mood instantly lifted because at last, I can see light at the end of the tunnel. I can start riding my pony again, running and walking.... in short I can get my life back!

One thing that Dr Soe's reaction to my back pain did, was made me realise the grade and severity of my cancer. It was quite a sobering thought.

I also met a friend from breast cancer support and she had an elective double mastectomy after finding a low grade lump in her breast. She has a family history of breast cancer. She wasn't given chemo just the tamoxifen which she had to stop after she lost her voice and had other complicated side effects. She was facing another operation last Friday to remove a tumour from her rib cage..... This meeting made me realise that coming off tamoxifen for me is a big NO.

So next month will be 3 years since I found my lump on 16th January, on 4th February it will be 3 years since official diagnosis. I have a mammogram scheduled for the back end of January and I am hoping that I will be reporting my 3 year in remission!

Many hospital visits in January..... bone scan, mammogram and orthopedics.

Running High

I have been running for a few years now and in that time I have completed three 5K Race for Life events and a 10K last year which I ran for the Love Hope Strength Foundation. I have done all of my training on my own.... through snow, freezing fog, ice.... I have been up and down and attacked by a dog but now I have entered a new phase of running. I am running with friends.

It started off with me posting on facebook, asking if there were any running clubs in our area. One friend replied saying she would run with me and we have been doing that for a couple of months now. Since then we have been joined by two other friends and its brilliant.

We keep each other going when we feel like giving up, we chat, we laugh - running is great fun.

So I finished my run this morning, only 2 miles, but on a runners high which is the best feeling in the world to have.

A few cups of tea later and I am off to ride my pony, walk my dogs and do a few jobs.

Looking forward to the curry my son is making at school later!

I thought I was ok....

When you have almost 3 years under your belt having fought cancer, you are feeling good about yourself and you feel quite fit.... its easy to think "ha, I don't need to take those meds anymore......"

Thats exactly what I thought about my lanzoprazol.

You see, chemotherapy is still quite raw.... its job is to kill rapidly forming cells but because of its nature not only does it attack cancer cells, it also attacks and kills good cells which is why you get hair loss, nail problems etc.

One side effect I suffered with was my digestion. Chemo completely f***** it up for want of a better phrase. It has damaged the lining of my stomach, probably indefinately and as a result the acid from my stomach comes up into my chest resulting in a great deal of pain. The tablets limit the amount of acid your body makes so that you don't get these attacks.

I thought I was over it all and stopped taking the tablets which was a huge mistake.

At the weekend I was away in South Wales with friends at a 4th Street Traffik gig for Halloween. What a brilliant night but it was spoilt by the worst reflux attack I have experienced in my entire life. I couldn't keep anything down, my throat burned and I haven't been able to eat or drink for 3-4 days.

That will teach me won't it! I think I have finally accepted that I will never be the same person I was before 16th January 2009.

I looked up the effects that tamoxifen has on your body too mainly because I am suffering with severe back ache which gets worse the more active I am. Apparently its typically hormonal but it induces mild sciatica. The pain is almost unbearable at times only eased by pain killers, volturol gel and periods of rest. This is one of the side effects of the drug. In addition to this, it can cause damage to the eye which has settled a problem I have had with night driving. So my eye test is duly booked.

I won't give up though, the hell I will!!!!!

I will not give up horse riding, running or walking. I refuse to take things easy. I have stared my mortality right in the eye and come back fighting.

Life is precious, its for living and loving and appreciating every damned second you have in this life pain or not.

What a Week

What a week its been!

Ah well, its my weigh in day tomorrow so lets hope I have dropped some pounds. I am feeling slimmer but I will only be happy if it shows on the scales.

I am still running and active with Cola, today I took out his deep litter to scrub clean his stable in preparation for the winter and that was hard work, mind you, mucking out is hard work full stop so why am I struggling with my weight? Grrrrrr

My friends haven't been having such a good time of it and for that I am very sad. Troubles come in all shapes and forms and I wish with all of my heart I had the power to make them go away.

Running

I have just been for a great run, my first in a week and a half. Fighting off a bug then my holiday gave me that break from running.

It felt good today. I ran 1 1/2 miles, the sun was shining and there was still that morning chill in the air, it felt good to be alive.

I am not a natural runner, not by a long shot and there is no way I will ever come first in a race but running helps me focus my mind and it helps to release negative energies. Put it this way, I started on my run feeling low and ended up singing "I stand accused of being things I'm not..... I'll never fall at your feet, I'll never bow down..." Great tune, "Without a Fight" by Mike Peters my lifes signature tune I feel.

I looked for that dieing rabbit on the lane but there was no sign of it. It had been too weak to move so I think that it must have died and been taken by a predator of some sort.

So I am pleased with my running so far, the compression shorts are a success, I am definately converted even though they are expensive. (I got mine from Wiggle.com - you can get quite a few bargains from there).

I plan to run most days this week but I think I will be aiming to get up an hour earlier just because I prefer running in cooler climates and even by 7am the sun is up and burning through.

On a slightly different note..... I know that I have a family of hedgehogs living under my shed, I see their droppings and the mess of cat/dog food which I put down for them every night but I haven't actually seen one since 2009. The lack of slugs and snails in the garden was an obvious sign that they were about. Last night, I my dog and I heard a rustling in the garden, Wilbur ran out to check what it was (such a good guard dog) then I followed with my maglight only to find my hedgehog curled up into a ball on the footpath. Really did make my night!

Getting Fit

My friend Janet commented on my last post, saying that I should set myself some small goals with a reward. It's so weird her saying that because I was thinking the same thing myself.

I have managed to fit 4 runs in this week and all of them bar one were good. The "bad" run was done at 5.30am and the air was really heavy, it triggered my asthma and so that's why it was such a struggle.

I made the mistake of running at 9am on Saturday when the sun was up and I found that too hot for me, I don't know why but I just cannot run in the heat which is why I only ever enter races in the autumn or during the winter. Having said that, last years Tatton Yule Yomp backfired on me because I was running through freezing fog in sub zero temperatures!!!

During Saturday mornings run, I was trying to figure out why I got headaches in the heat. I decided that it must be something to do with tension in my neck which I do suffer with. So, that fact coupled with Janet's suggestion as my first reward I might book myself in for a sports massage.

I must admit, being back at running is so good, I can't believe I have had a 3 month break. Even if I run for a short space of time, I feel so great afterwards and its good to be out and about seeing and appreciating the countryside. On one of my runs I had a hare running towards me with his big gangling legs, he soon spotted me though and did a double turn!

Keep on Running

Once I got through treatment I was determined to run my first 10K, something my illness had delayed for me. I decided to run the Tatton Yule Yomp in December 2010 and raised almost £800 for the Love Hope Strength Foundation.

Since achieving my goal I have gone off the boil as far as my running is concerned. I have been affected with bouts of ill health and the depression has been kicking in a bit.

Having finished treatment, I think that the enormity of what I have been through over the past two years actually hit me and I have had to deal with that so that I can move on with my life which is what I feel I am doing right now.

I am desperately trying to lose a stone in weight, that way, when I DO come off the tamoxifen in a few years time the rest will come off naturally because I am still carrying fluid in my fingers that I can see so it must be all over.

I have tried diets to no avail so now I have decided to cut back on the wine and limit wine to once or twice a week, run (so I wont drink alcohol before my run days) and eat sensibly.

I have been onto the runners world events list and have book marked a few events so now I just have to prepare for them, sort out routes, timings to get there, my husbands shifts and child care and away we go.

Follow my blog to keep in touch with what I am doing.

February Already!

So much has happened since my last post so where do I start?

Firstly, I got my 2 year clear from the surgeons, my mammogram was all good which is such a relief. Having the mammo isn't very pleasant on my scarred breast because of the scar tissue which can be painful at times. Talking of painful breasts though, I took the boys swimming on Monday and got kicked directly in the scar so its been sore all week. I am seeing the oncologist in March so I will discuss this injury with him, I do worry about such things, what they might start etc.

At the end of January we were at Pontins in Prestatyn for the Gathering. Oh what a fantastic weekend that was I can tell you! Rock and Roll and good friends, the picture above was taken on the first night and is just a fantastic illustration of the weekend. Killing for Company were totally amazing as always and such a lovely bunch of lads and Mike Peters.....well...... what an awesome man he is. I presented the last cheque to him for Love Hope Strength Foundation, I raised almost £800 with my run in December.

Joe is doing well on his keyboard, I am amazed at how he can pick up tunes so easily and then teach himself to play them. He has just purchased his first harmonica, the one he taught himself to play on was a kiddies one from a toy shop but this one is a Hohner. It came this morning and he has already taught himself to play Star Wars.

Pickles had a small operation a couple of weeks ago to remove a lump from her chest. It turned out to be a fatty tissue and she is fine. Strangely enough her lump was in the same place as my lump was!!!

My hair is almost grown into a bob which I am really pleased about. I can't wait until I can actually tie it up and fiddle with it. You never appreciate things until they are gone and losing my hair was one of the worst parts of cancer treatment.

So tonight I am having a Virgin Vie party as a favour to a friend who has just started out with this venture. It is just and excuse for a get together and a giggle. I have been busy cleaning the house but its hard with 2 kids and 2 mucky pups in tow.

I will try to keep up to date with my blogging from now on.....

Not a Good Run

I was all prepared for my run today. Made sure I had drunk plenty of fluids the day before (no not alcoholic) and got my kit ready for me to step right into.

With all best laid plans, all didn't go too well. I got up later than planned with a slight headache, I had arranged to collect my childrens friends for a play date at a certain time (I don't run well when under timetable pressure) and I made the error of caving into my darling dogs Wilburs plees to come with me......

Started off badly with Wilbur yapping so loudly with excitement (he really has an annoying high pitched bark for a male dog) then we seemed to bump into everyone out taking their dogs for a morning walk followed by Jo riding her horse Sunny from our yard, oh, plus a few sleeping cows in the hedgerow.

Half way into the run I decided to cut my losses and cut it short so instead of the planned 2 mile run I did 1 1/2.

Mind you.... I am not going to beat myself up about it, I will learn from my mistakes for the next time. At least I did it, I made the first step and got out there.

I have decided to do exactly the same run again tomorrow (minus Wilbur) and crank myself up slowly over the next few weeks.

I have an appointment with a personal trainer on Thursday so I am hoping he will help me lose my weight and improve my running performance.

Ooh I de-frosted some Celeriac and Apple Soup today which I made before Christmas. Delicious is not the word, a weight watchers recipe and definately worth a try.

On to Day 3 of my Diet

I started back on my Weight Watchers programme on Friday and so far so good...... To be honest with you I have eaten so much rubbish and drank so much alcohol, the thought of anything like that turns my stomach and today I woke up with more energy than in a long time. I can't wait to get back on the fitness regime tomorrow.

Jason is off work Monday and Tuesday so I am going to fit in a run on Monday, Wednesday and Friday together with some riding, the first in ages since the snow and ice.

Cola's former owner came down to see him today and took him out on a short ride. She didn't know the area so I walked with her, I loved that bit of exercise! I know that my boy has lost weight because his girth is almost too big for him now so that gives me heart.

Luckily my eldest son is getting into taking the dogs for a walk, I am unable to motivate youngest son and its so stressful going out with him that it puts me off to be honest with you. Mind you this morning I prepared him for the visit and what we would be doing and fair play there were no melt downs, because he knew exactly what we had planned.

I will phone the doctors surgery on Tuesday to see if they have had the results of my scan and make an appointment to discuss it and related issues. I was hoping to be finished with doctors and hospitals now that my herceptin is done and dusted but I can't complain, at least they are keeping an eye on me. Good news was that my ovaries were clear and I am thinking that chemotherapy has sorted out my polycycstic ovaries which is a relief in one way....

Dr Soe

This week has been a bit of a muddle really. I turned up for my oncologist appointment on Monday only to find out that I wasn't due there until Wednesday.

I had a long wait to see Dr Soe, scarey really at the age range of patients waiting to see various surgeons etc. Made me feel like a child!!

Dr Soe was very pleasant although I much prefered Dr Champion, she was direct and outspoken but you knew exactly where you were with her. Dr Soe is so quiet and gentle and I always struggle to understand him. Anyway, he was happy with my situation and explained that the Tamoxifen is causing menopausal symptoms, it doesnt mean that I am going through the menopause.... He is going to expidite my abdominal scan and praised my GP for taking the right action.

I won't have to see Dr Soe again until December 2011 and after that I will be left in the care of the surgeons. Its all good news, I feel as though I have lived in the unit for 22 months so to have all of this free time is liberating.

After doing my 10K race I hit a bit of a slump. Craving all of the wrong food, having no get up and go. Glad to say that I got it back today and feel very much like myself again.

I have changed gyms because I feel that I have outgrown my old gym, its very small and I want something which will be challenging for me. I have also decided to give a low GI diet a go because I am fed up of diets and want to do something which all of the family can do with me.

My eldest son has decided that he quite likes running having done it at school so I have promised him that I will start to train him.

I have also decided to get my business up and running again although I wont be working evenings as I did before and I will limit myself to one day only.

Tatton Yule Yomp -12th December 2010

Today was the day.... I have been training for this day for a long time, even running on ice in sub zero temps. I was ready to run my first 10K. It should have been done on 1st March 2009 but cancer kind of got in the way. I finished my treatment in October 2010 and I must admit some of the side effects are starting to get better such as the aching joints and hands.

Today it was all about sticking the V's up to cancer and drawing a line under the last 22 months. I was also raising money for the Love Hope Strength Foundation because not only is it a global cancer charity but its co-founder Mike Peters has got me through my own fight with cancer because of his music, his tenacity, his positivity and the fact he will never give up.

 I have managed to raise over £700 for the charity. I was going to dress up as Rudolph but as it was my first official race I decided to wear the names of fellow cancer fighers on my back. Sadly, some of those fighters are not with us now but remain with us in spirit and love.

 There were some crazy fancy dress costumes as you can see by the photo above! Amazing! There was such a lovely feel to the event, it was well organised and friendly. My nerves of last night needn't have got the better of me. There was freezing fog which was terribly hard to run in, alot harder than sub zero temperatures. The fog got to my chest and set off an asthma attack but I kept going. I hooked up with a guy called Andy half way through as he was struggling. If I had carried on alone I know I could have improved my time by 10 mins but sometimes, other things are more important, and people are more important to me than times or personal bests. He thanked me for my companionships, told me he would never have got around if it werent for me.

Crossing that line was amazing. All of Andys friends were shouting for him and I egged him on. My name came over the tannoy and I was handed my medal, something I will treasure forever.

A big and huge thank you to my lovely friend Lesley Kenton who not only took me to the race but sat there waiting for me in the freezing cold, took photos for me and was there to cheer me on over the finish line. That meant the world to me, thank you Lesley xxx

Not too sweaty but damp because of the freezing fog. My chest hurts right now but I have time to recover. I now need to set a new challenge for myself....... what will it be???

Almost There!!!

Well, not long to go now! Only 4 more sleeps and I will be doing my first 10K running race in Tatton Park. The race is called Tatton Yule Yomp and its 6.2 miles of running through parkland. I am looking forward to it because I will be (in the words of Mike Peters) "right back where I started from" before cancer.

I am writing the names of fellow fighters onto pink ribbons and pinning them to my running jacket. Nimblerunner gave me the idea and while I was out on my 3 mile run this morning I was battling with mental fatigue. I thought of all the people who have touched my life through cancer and all of those who have supported me by sponsoring me and that got me through the mental barrier. I thought that it would be good to wear those peoples name with pride on Sunday, that way you will all be with me.

Training has been hit and miss because of school holidays and the weather of course. Running in sub zero temps has been hard work. Trying to run on black ice has been tiring as well. I am not a fast runner. I can manage a 3 mile run in 36 minutues and a 6 mile in about an hour and 20 - I wished I was faster but I am short and I have just finished 20 months of cancer treatment so I should give myself a break shouldnt I?

Ah well, I am not sure if I will be able to get pictures on the day because I think I will leave the boys at home but we will see.

Nimble Runner Needs Your Support in His Fight Against Cancer

http://bit.ly/atWmpW If you follow this link, you will find a guy who calls himself Nimble Runner on Twitter. He is running a marathon to raise money in the fight against cancer. He needs to get about 58 new twitter followers in order to qualify for the run. He is also pledging to wear a ribbon dedicated to a loved one who had fallen to cancer.

Please give Nimble Runner your support.

Each New Day

 Each new day has something special to give to you, a lesson to be learnt or a new discovery.

 Every day is special for me. I always try to find something in it that I can recall and think "that was good". It may be a little boy rolling around on the school playground, a baby calf being licked clean by its mother or a friendly comment.

 The happiness of others. Happiness and positivity are contagious so forget your misfortune and saddness, look for the beauty in that day, accept it with a smile and grow from it.

Each new day I thank my stars for my beautiful sons, for living in a free country, for having legs so that I can walk and run, eyes so that I can see the beauty in all that is around me and ears so that I can listen to all of the things which give me pleasure.

Blogging for Boobs - Breast Cancer Awareness!

I have placed the photos in no particular order, cancer doesn't leave order in your life but these photographs reflect 20 months of breast cancer treatment.


I had everything to live for at the start of 2008. A successful mobile dog grooming business, two gorgeous sons, a niceish home and I had just finished therapy following some difficult periods in my life: family break up, death of my big brother at 25, breakup of a 7 year relationship, infertility, having my sons diagnosed with autism........ Life was starting to pick up.

One day, I was about to start grooming a little Bichon Frise called Ruby. I was chatting to her owner and she told me something which caused me to put my left hand to my chest to say "how awful", as I did that I felt a lump.

I went hot, cold, numb all in the space of a few seconds and during that time a whole stream of thoughts plundered through my head. Do I continue with the dog? Do I go home? The Doctors surgery is closed theres nothing I can do until the morning? Is it really there? How do I tell my husband? In the end I decided to carry on as normal.

Within two weeks I received my hospital appointment. Initial consultation was with a registrar and after that I had a mammogram and ultrasound scan. I returned to the tiny consultation room which was filled with the registrar, the consultant, the nurse and a MacMillan nurse so I knew it wasn't good. This was confirmed following 2 attempts to get a sample from the lump failed by the registrar and the consultant swept her away and I nearly hit the roof!

My diagnosis was confirmed 5 days later. Stage 3 HER2 positive, hormone sensitive breast cancer. The lump was the size of a 10 pence piece and the cancer was the aggressive type. My consultant told me that because I was young (nice compliment to receive) he was going to hit me with everything they had.

On Friday 13th February 2009 I had a lumpectomy. I wasn't sure at that point whether I would require further surgery because of the size of the lump but luckily, having G cups is an advantage and the lump was removed with good clearance and the cancer had not spread to my lymph nodes so only 3 were removed.

Following that I received 12 rounds of chemotherapy from March to October and 15 rounds of radiotherapy. Following that 18 rounds of Herceptin over a year.

2nd October 2010 - My scar is it is today 20 months after surgery

Slightly better picture of my 20 month old scar. It healed badly because of a massive haematoma

Friends and family kept me going through treatment

December 2009, my hair had been growing for 4 months and I had just had my first hair cut to take the dead ends off

When it started to grow back I was like a Kiwi

Not a good look! No hair, no eyebrows, no eye lashes and a swollen face due to the drugs and steroids

20 Months on and I still can't wear my wedding ring

Once it starts to grow it comes through quite quickly

Not such a good picture but trying to show the damage the canulas do

There is so much I would like to say about my experience, so much.


The one thing that nobody prepared me for was how invalided I would be following my treatment. I expected to be back to normal once my chemo was over but I wasn't and this was a bit of a shock. I have been left with side effects which I am learning to deal with.

• Aching hands due to neuropathy caused by chemo and damaged veins due to over 40 canulisations
• Aching back due to hormonal changes and the drug herceptin
• Swollen fingers and feet due to the drugs I am receiving
• Poor digestive system for which I am medicated
• Fatigue which I battle through
• Chemo brain: Inability to multi task, concentrate, I lose words etc. Memory is not good

Before cancer I was always active and fit so once my treatment was over I couldnt believe how hard it was to regain my fitness. I gained almost 2 stone in weight due to cancer treatment and the drugs they pump you up with. My face and body became swollen.

However: I have lost my "cancer" weight - its been a long hard battle to do so, taking me a year because I am still fighting the effects of Herceptin and Tamoxifen which make it hard to lose weight. My hair is growing back, thick and the same colour as before and yesterday ............ I ran 3 miles - my furthest since I had cancer.


In December 2010 I am running my first 10K - something I was due to do just before I was diagnosed. For me, this will be an emotional event because although my running time is still compromised, I will do that race, I will cross the line and I will stick the V's up to cancer. I am raising money for the Love Hope Strength Cancer Foundation because the co-founders of the charity have done so much for me to get me through my battle. Its my way of saying thanks!


If you are just facing the start of the fight, here are some tips;

• Stay positive and keep smiling - cancer feeds on negative emotion
• When you go for treatment, dress up and put your favourite clothes on, it helps you get through the ordeal
• Don't be afraid to question your treatment, ask for ways that the treatment can be made easier for you. For example: if oral anti-sickness tablets pre treatment aren't working, ask for them IV, ask for emula cream prior to canulisation or ask them to use freeze spray
• When you finish treatment, don't expect too much of yourself. I felt totally wiped out for at least 6 months after chemo ended and even now, 12 months on I have dips
• Allow yourself a down day but dont dwell on it. Accept your down day, go with the flow but make sure you are up the next day - remember, cancers best friend is grief, stress etc
• Try not to feel guilty when other fighters fall. I have experienced survivors guilt and its natural but try to turn it around to carrying on your fight in their honour
• You have been given a second chance at life - GO AHEAD AND GRAB IT, LOVE AND LIVE EACH DAY FOR WHATEVER IT IS, YESTERDAY IS HISTORY, TOMORROW IS A MYSTERY - TODAY IS THE DAY!