Monday, 28 December 2015

100 Days of Happy - Day 6

Celebrating Christmas with a dear friend but embaressing myself ... hic!

Saturday, 26 December 2015

100 Days of Happy - Day 5

Its been a funny old Christmas really with the boys growing up and my family in decline.

I found some old photos on my computer and they really filled me with happiness at the memories of years, people and animals gone past.

A very relaxing day surrounded by my pets feeling so full of food I could burst!

Thinking of Christmas past.....

The dolls house my mum made for me out of cardboard boxes. The detail she added was phenomenal along with the furniture she made for me.

Creeping downstairs with my older brother in front and my younger one behind, trying not to wake our parents, overcoming obsticles my mum had put in the way supposedly to stop our dog Patch from getting Santa but really they were to try and keep us in bed.

Such happy memories.

Friday, 25 December 2015

100 Days of HAPPY Days 3 and 4

I didn't get an opportunity to write up my blog yesterday so I am combining days 3 and 4 of happy.

Day 3 of Happy (Yesterday)
Christmas Eve

I was relieved to have completed all that I could for the Christmas festivities. I thoroughly enjoyed giving out gifts especially the ones I had made. I receive great pleasure in giving. I felt a bit sad though because losing mum and my not feeling well this year meant that I didn't make what I wanted too.

Wrapping gifts for my boys made me happy. Don't get me wrong.... I really don't enjoy wrapping but doing it for them makes me happy. I enjoy putting quirky messages on J's gifts and then arranging them just so.....

I took a great deal of pleasure in writing up my review for a blaster which I received via Amazon vine. I asked a special little boy to use the blaster on the condition that he produced a critique. This boy is 9 years old and the most sociable, chatty, engaging boy you could ever wish to meet. I honestly didn't expect a huge amount of detail.... but just look at this wonderful picture and write up.....

Day 4 of Happy (Today)
Christmas Day

So many things to make me happy today, just where do I begin?

The wonderful gifts given to me in love which have brought me alot of joy because of the thought, care and love behind them. 

Spending a couple of quiet hours with my J and watching him open his gifts.

Spending Christmas morning with cheeky Cola, even getting wet in the rain didn't dampen my spirits.

Watching my rabbit Bolt run around the garden for hours.... jumping, binking and generally loving life. During this time he was accompanied by some garden birds, a very busy male blackbird who kept jumping at my honeysuckle in order to retrieve berries then hopping over to the lawn to pick up worms. Some other birds flitted here and there. What amazed me was the fact that none of the birds were afraid of Bolt who continued to hop around the garden. I also didn't think that he had noticed the birds but he must have because he purposely went to investigate the honeysuckle where the blackbird had been feasting.

Cuddling with my dogs Pickles, Wilbur and Snowy..... Giving them their own Christmas dinner once we had finished ours then coming into the room to find them sleepy and content.

I am sure there is alot more happy to experience today but so far its been lovely.

Merry Christmas to you all. Bless you with healthy, love and joy now and always.

Wednesday, 23 December 2015

100 Days of Happy - Day 2

Routine visit to the Shooting Star unit today to see my oncologist. All went well, examinations ok. Being sent for routine bloods and refered to a therapist just to check if I am still sane!! Its always good to get these checks done and dusted so that I can enjoy the next year!

The oncologist was such a gentleman, makes such a huge difference when you are treated with kindness and respect.

Anyone who knows Wrexham Hospital knows how difficult it is to park, as I arrived I prayed to the Angels for a space and I got one straight away and in a great location. Thank you Angels.

While on my way into the hospital I saw an old friend from way back when. Put a spring in my step and a smile of my face. 

I enjoyed a nice cuppa tea in the cafe as I watched people go about their business... I do enjoy people watching.

Put a chilli shepherds pie to cook for tea and Jason went out for some tiger bread and cellophane wrapping paper so that I can finish off the rest of my home made packaging.

Cola was in fine fettle and was quite happy to come into his warm stable today.

A really nice and happy day with lots of things to celebrate.

Tuesday, 22 December 2015

100 Days of Happy - Day 1

Lets start a 100 days of happy where I will post about something which made me happy on that particular day.

Happy Day 1!!!!

Hmmmm lots of things made me happy today....

Making and wrapping gifts for friends and family. I enjoyed packaging things... didn't like the wrapping part much but it has to be done.

Chatting with Joe and sharing some jokes. Its always good to smile and giggle if you can.

My friends horse Morris never ceases to make me happy. He is so cheeky and practically human! I swear that he can understand English and certainly knows what the word "carrot" means.

Watching Charlotte jump her horse Teddy - she is a talented rider and sailed over them like a dream.

Is that enough happy for one day?

Inbetween Storms and Showers Theres Always Sunshine

Looking back at some of my posts I realised what an Eeyore I have become.... all gloom and doom!!

When telling a story in no matter what form, one doesn't realise that if the focus is on one part of your life then the wrong picture is painted or at least one that isn't balanced.

So with that in mind, lets focus on the GOOD and GREAT things that have happened this year.

Well first of all.... ok.... I got a 3rd cancer diagnosis BUT because of the experts looking after me, because of the routine scans and tests - it was caught EARLY!!! Wow! if thats not something to celebrate then what the hell is!!

Despite surgeries and failed surgeries I was totally overwhelmed by the support from family and friends. I was given the most amazing gifts and not just gifts.... they were chosen and sent with care and love. The care and love behind those gifts meant more to me than the gifts themselves.

You know who you are !!!! 

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You will never know just how much they mean to me.

Then there were the gigs.

Yes I missed some such as the Damned and Mike Peters when he played in Wrexham BUT I was at the Gathering AND I made a HUGE step for me..... I went on my own. Truly though, I was never on my own because the love, care, friendship from my Alarm family meant that I was surrounded by such great spirit.

My horse Cola was diagnosed with Cushings disease this year but its given me a much closer bond with him. He has been by my side every step of the way, lighting up my heart with joy and love.

My husband Jason has been my rock. He doesn't show much emotion and that can be deceptive but I know how much my illnesses have affected him. He has been there for me every step of the way at great personal expense. I admit that I feel that I am not worth it, I am not worthy but there it is..... He has kept me floating.

This photo was taken at my dear friends 50th party. What a fantastic night that was. Along with the wedding of two other friends. I am so honoured to have been invited to share these very special days.

I have been involved with Love Hope Strength and helping others actually helps me. The team are amazing. They uplift my spirits and the people we meet are genuinely interested and want to help their fellow human beings. How great is that?!

Dog walking for friends has kept me sane, its allowed me to explore my emotions and remain in touch with nature. Nature is my saviour.

Although I said goodbye tragically to my old dwarf hamster Ragnar Lothbruk I welcomed a rescue hamster into my life called Uhtred or Ted for short. He was the runt of the litter and has torn ears and scars.

Hmmmmm what else?? Theres so many good things to choose from I can't quite think.

Music has been important to me..... The Gathering, Mike Peters, The Jack Tars...... missed gigs too but then maybe they weren't meant to be.

Not all bad then!!


Monday, 21 December 2015

2015 in Review

Where do I start?

Seriously....... Where .... Do ..... I ..... Start???????

What a year! 



Glad to see the back of it!!

The year started with a bad feeling I had in my gut. I went for my routine scans on New Years Eve then on New Years Day I found out that the little angel, the dog with whom I found my first cancer lump had died following a sudden illness.

Next.... I received a letter from the council accusing me of running a business from my house without planning permission.... er.... hello?? business? er.... 1 dog a week belonging to a friend if I am lucky!! I have a good idea who did it and I don't hold a grudge because I know that karma has a way of coming back three fold. 

During this upset I was diagnosed with a third breast cancer. I was advised to go for a double mastectomy and reconstruction at the same time. I followed all of the advice I was given but forgive the pun.... it all went a bit "tits up". 

I developed an infection which spread and had to have two emergency operations. Following the final operation, the stitches became embedded and trapped a nerve. Agony doesn't come near to it.

Just as things are starting to work their way out I start having anxiety and panic attacks along with black feelings.

I can confess on here that I did consider taking my life.

I had started to plan care for my animals and it was only a chance meeting with a 90 year old stranger which pulled me out of this storm and I managed to crawl out.

November comes and a pain in my mums shoulder which we thought was a strain led to her being put on tramadol and cocodemol by her GP, this led to a fall and a bad reaction to the drugs. She was treated for an overdose such was the reaction to the painkillers she had been given. Her liver and kidneys had been affected. The antidote to the tramadol brought on a heart attack and then she developed sepsis.

After a week of fighting and boy she did fight! She really didnt want to leave us! She passed.

So forgive me for not being ready for Christmas.

Its been the shittest year of my life. (With some good bits too!)

PS: I was later told by a plastic surgeon that radiotherapy damaged tissue has a high failure rate with implants. So why was I advised to go down this route given that I have received high doses of radon to both breasts????