Christmas Phew!!!

My life has been all mixed up for the last three weeks with the run up to Christmas and all of the arrangements. I have had a thoroughly wonderful Christmas which was actually WHITE this year and now I am ready to get back into the routine of life.

I had my unltrasound scan the Wednesday before Christmas and am waiting for the results. They spotted a fibroid which might be the cause of all of my problems but my ovaries were clear! I can't believe it having been diagnosed with Polycycstic Ovary Syndrome before I had the children. I am wondering if the chemo actually cleared my ovaries and thats why my body has gone into overdrive. Who knows? I just want to sort this problem out.

I am worried about my mum though as she is all out of sorts and not looking her usual self. I think Christmas time brings back memories and when you have lost a child and your parents, it must hurt so badly. I know that when I was on FB just before Christmas there was a bit of banter going on about what are your best Christmas memories and I started to think about them.... I got very sad, very angry because I realised just how much I miss my big brother Peter. He may have been dead for 20 years but sometimes it feels like 20 minutes.

I have decided not to go near FB for the next few days. I find new year and the way people treat it quite maudling and I would rather not put myself through it all in my own home. I don't want to look at the past and what has happened, I want to look to the here and now and the future....

So I am sitting here, Carry On Camping on the television and a dog on each side. The children are happy playing and all is peaceful for now.

I have decided that 2011 is going to be my year..............