Thursday, 29 December 2011

2 days and Counting!!!

I have been fighting a viral infection over Christmas. One thing I have noticed since cancer, I just can't fight off infections the way I used to.

I must admit that today I was very upset, couldn't stop crying. I just want to be the Sara I was before I had cancer. Since 3 years ago next month my health seems to have been in a steady decline. I have never in my life been so fat, unfit and unhealthy. I feel so ugly all through.

Today I did wonder what the point of it all was, I really couldn't see what quality of life I have anymore. I really did lose my fight today.

So I thought about Mike Peters, I thought about other friends, had a good cry, a good moan and then came back fighting!

This year has been a difficult one for me on a lot of levels. You would have thought that 2009 or 2010 would have been worse but having finished the radical part of cancer treatment I am suddenly plunged in at the deep end tryind desperately to stay afloat.

On January 5th 2011, Poppy was run over by a tractor and died in my arms. The memory of that day haunts me. Her head looking up from the road looking for me, scooping her up into my arms, our eyes connected, she relaxed because she was with me and she died. That was the start of a terrible year.



On 14th May I lost the lynch pin of our family, my Auntie Heather. Very suddenly at the age of 65. She has always been a part of my life, always been there for us all giving support freely. Such a kind and loving person with a wicked sense of humour, I still can't believe that she is no longer with us.


I was let down by people I thought were my friends this year too. They told lies about me and attacked me on FB without due cause. If those people have the audacity to read my blog then you know who you are and shame on you.


I would refer to yet another Mike Peters song at this point so take heed and listen if you dare.





"I've been accused of being things I'm not......"


On top of this I have had a couple of cancer scares coupled with excrutiating back pain which has led me to give up my running, walking and riding.


The year finishes on the note it started.


However, in January I have a scheduled bone scan which is purely precautional, I have an orthopedic appointment to look into my back problems and my mammogram which I hope will declare me 3 years in remission!


The pain killers my doctor has prescribed me are working so once this stupid infection is gone I am hoping to be climbing the rosy slopes to good health!


See you in the new year!

6 comments:

  1. (((Sara))) -- there is nothing worse than feeling ill over the holidays. And yes, once our immune system is stripped, we feel every single thing worse than we ever would have before.

    And so you had a weepy day and those are good, aren't they? They clean out the toxins and help us to come back to a more balanced attitude. Never beat yourself up for those. And don't forget...the pills you are taking for your back will also cause you to have altered moods...bound to.

    Your year had so many downs to it but I know there were "ups" too...you've reflected on the hurts, especially today because you are low. Feel each sadness, each loss and put them safely away with other memories.

    Look ahead and look to what will be...and to the many possibilities that await you in the next 12 months.

    So glad that you are my friend ♥ with love,

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  2. Sara you have been so kind and supportive to my family and I, despite your own problems - Thank you ,I truly wish 2012 will be a very happy healthy one for you-love hope strength and a lot of laughter coming your way Jan xxxxx

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  3. I'm listening to the lyrics of the songs and to you. I understand the feelings and the questions.
    You fought for so long to rid yourself of this cancer that the logical response is "GIVE ME A FRIGIN' BREAK!!" I remember the feeling.
    But nothing makes you immune to life's sadness. It's out there and it happens whether you are sick or not. It's just there.... so, you have to FIGHT BACK. You will be in a better place after you get well. If it takes a while... go with it.
    Let go of the ones who don't understand. They will sap your energy. You don't need to lower your immune system by being angry at others. Let go of all that and care about yourself. At this very moment you don't need to carry all this sadness around with you. Aunt Heather and Poppy only want you to remember them in their happiness, sweetie.
    Right now you need to fight the good fight and get well. It will happen.

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  4. Sara here's to a healthier and happier New Year for you and your family!

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  5. You're only ever one day away from a good day Sara... I hope 2012 is a really good year for you x

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  6. Marjorie & Ron30 December 2011 at 03:52

    Oh Sara - - I am really sorry that you are feeling low at the moment, I have NO idea what you are going through and can only sumize what its like !!! We are always behind you no matter what and I KNOW you will find the strength from somewhere - - you are a gutsy - beautiful lady !!! (inside and out)
    Do NOT put yourself down - - and as far as those so called friends that give you grief on fb - - - YOU ARE BETTER OFF WITHOUT THEM !!!! Chin up love, if you need to talk you know where I am, just like all your other good friends - - are there for you any time night or day. YOU are going to be allright. love and very best wishes to you all for 2012, and lets hope it is a good one for us all. xxxxxxx ( ) ( ) (hugs) Marjorie & Ron x

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