I thought I was ok....

When you have almost 3 years under your belt having fought cancer, you are feeling good about yourself and you feel quite fit.... its easy to think "ha, I don't need to take those meds anymore......"

Thats exactly what I thought about my lanzoprazol.

You see, chemotherapy is still quite raw.... its job is to kill rapidly forming cells but because of its nature not only does it attack cancer cells, it also attacks and kills good cells which is why you get hair loss, nail problems etc.

One side effect I suffered with was my digestion. Chemo completely f***** it up for want of a better phrase. It has damaged the lining of my stomach, probably indefinately and as a result the acid from my stomach comes up into my chest resulting in a great deal of pain. The tablets limit the amount of acid your body makes so that you don't get these attacks.

I thought I was over it all and stopped taking the tablets which was a huge mistake.

At the weekend I was away in South Wales with friends at a 4th Street Traffik gig for Halloween. What a brilliant night but it was spoilt by the worst reflux attack I have experienced in my entire life. I couldn't keep anything down, my throat burned and I haven't been able to eat or drink for 3-4 days.

That will teach me won't it! I think I have finally accepted that I will never be the same person I was before 16th January 2009.

I looked up the effects that tamoxifen has on your body too mainly because I am suffering with severe back ache which gets worse the more active I am. Apparently its typically hormonal but it induces mild sciatica. The pain is almost unbearable at times only eased by pain killers, volturol gel and periods of rest. This is one of the side effects of the drug. In addition to this, it can cause damage to the eye which has settled a problem I have had with night driving. So my eye test is duly booked.

I won't give up though, the hell I will!!!!!

I will not give up horse riding, running or walking. I refuse to take things easy. I have stared my mortality right in the eye and come back fighting.

Life is precious, its for living and loving and appreciating every damned second you have in this life pain or not.