Oh Yeah!

Five and a half weeks post surgery and reconstruction and its all gone a bit wrong. 

How do I find the positive in this one then??

Well I can tell you how!!!

I sported a very annoyingly ample bosom pre surgery. Annoying because it got in the way of my very active life!!

Having the mastectomy then immediate reconstruction with a tram flap procedure meant that my size went down considerably.It took me a few weeks to actually get used to the huge change in size.

Last Tuesday, I lost the left implant due to a very nasty infection.

The plus side of this???????

Well, I got to go to nothing in stages so it hasn't been such a huge shock.

I don't like it but the alternatives were not conducive to a long and healthy life. Ticking (or not quite ticking really) time bombs strapped to my chest.

The threat is gone now and I am just left with the aftermath.

My youngest son was visibly shocked and upset by this latest procedure although he puts on a brave face for me. Being autistic he deals with things visually so this will have struck him harder.

My answer to him and to anyone for that matter is this.

My breasts have done what they were designed to do. I miss them but I can live quite happily without them. There are worse things to lose like limbs and my faculties and the prime purpose of all this mess is that I am cancer free at long last.

Today I feel quite good. 

A stark contrast to how I have been feeling since my initial surgery. Shows me just how much of a brave face I seem to have put on.

The stitches are starting to heal and God willing they will be removed on Tuesday. They are not neat stitches because of the infection, they are raggedy so that any fluid can leak through the scar. The scar is quite long and reaches to under my arm and this is because of scaring from previous surgeries and procedures and there is a hole towards the centre of my chest caused by the infected tissue.

At this point in time I don't care what I look like too much. I just want to get on with life and grab each day. I know that when my body and mind are both ready I can go for reconstruction again if I want to and I probably will.