Emotional Healing

Its been one hell of a year to be honest with you. 

Started off in December when my friends horse died. He was old and ailing but I helped her out with him and being stable buddies not only did I have to deal with the loss of her horse but her as well.

At the start of January following the installation of my special "shed" I received notification from the council that somebody had reported me for running a dog grooming business from home! 

Really?

 If the council had camped outside my house for a month they wouldn't have seen a thing because I only groom dogs as a hobby these days in order to keep my hand in. FFS my health won't allow anything more.

That really did shake me to the core I can tell you especially as one of my original customers back when I was grooming died suddenly and I was diagnosed with a third breast cancer.

I can't really explain how it made me feel. I felt violated, watched, I felt as though I had the evil eye on me..... It was dreadful. Whoever did that to me .... well .... shame on them!

After that .... everything that could go wrong DID go wrong and what followed were months of operations, antibiotics, pain, pain and more pain.....

I do think that the shock and upset of the council report did have an impact  on my immune system which isn't the best after my other illnesses and contributed to the hell that followed.

So now I am at a point in my life where I am taking time out to draw breath and heal my emotions.

I have had some reiki healing which has helped alot, its a great energy which goes where its needed.

I have forgiven the person who reported me to the council. I feel sorry for whoever they are because if they felt that insecure about me or hated me that much then they must be very sad individuals. I won't waste any emotion on them other than pity and sadness. 

As for the cancer and what the failed reconstruction has left me with.... well ..... thats more difficult. 

I still can't look at myself or touch the area. It feels strange anyway and I have been left with a dishing effect so prosthetics don't sit well either. The prosthetics cause pain too and yet I feel exposed without them.

It is going to take a long time to come to terms with all of this mess and my new body image. 

Time is a great healer and I am sure that once I have accepted what has happened I will come to accept this new me - or will I?