My family are wonderful but with this second fight against breast cancer I find that they are complacent, they seem to think that its mum, she fought it off last time she will do it again.
In actual fact I am still suffering the wounds of the last war against cancer and I am weaker than I was before.
This battle is more of a skirmish than the attack I was under last time but even so, it has affected me emotionally alot more.
"when's tea?"
"have you booked my haircut?"
etc..... etc..... etc.......
In actual fact, this time around I am more afraid.
OK, I am "lucky" its not that my "old" and nasty cancer has come back but this is a new and less aggressive one. Thats good news right?? Not to me thats for sure because to me, I am wondering where the little blighter will attack next and when, is it going to become more sneaky in where and when it pops up......yes folks! I feel as though I have a terrorist in my body!
Sara my lovely, you are entitled to feel scared, even terrified, no matter what kind of cancer it is, it is still cancer! The trouble with us ladies is that we keep going, keep fighting (thank goodness in your case) and rarely moan or complain! I feel the same some days, when I have a good day I do far too much, then suffer for the next few, but I am still expected to cope! I can only make one suggestion - sit your boys (all 3 of them) down and tell them how you feel, let them know that you are scared, Joe and Harry are old enough to know how things are, they are also old enough to do things to help! Don't fight this alone, you have an army of friends who would help, but unless the frontline are with you in this fight, the rest will not have any effect! And as for it coming back again, nobody knows that more than you, but because you have had it twice, you will be checked regularly, looked after by the doctors and nurses who care for you now, and in this country we should all count our blessings that we have the NHS, where would we be without it! Here for you always honey, love you lots Sharon xxxxxxxxxxxxx
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately what I've seen from my experience with serious depression is that the members of the family-loving husbands included-don't realise how emotions rock us to the core. Feelings can get strong enough to lead to physical weakness and illness and just general malaise.Sometimes you feel like you are screaming but no-one hears you.And at the same time,you don't want to whine.With your current battle, as a woman friend,I'd be more worried for you. But family...Family, as supportive as they try to be, just doesn't get it.It can get lonely. And with the fact that your emotions are intertwined with a real physical threat makes it harder,I'm sure. As far away as your readers are, know that we know that every fight is still a fight.Every illness is still an illness. Every moment of fear is still fearful.
ReplyDeleteHang in there hun! You're in a though place. I'm still cancer-free yet every year I go through what I started calling my "health issue of the year". I never went to the doctor before, and now, I don't even know how many scans and doctors visits I've had. Everytime, I wonder "is it back?", "do I have a new cancer?". With every health issues I've had since cancer, I keep feeling there's one hidden something that hasn't been found yet. My first year was fine, but the more I go, the more I get scared. It's quite tiring. I couldn't easily tell you to now think about it, but it's so difficult to do, all we can do is to try to live the fullest so that if we go too early, we can be happy about our lives. Sadly, I doubt that fear will ever go away! Thinking of you xx
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