I know its a strange title!
However its true and at the moment I am coming to terms with what's happened and how I feel about it all.
16th January 2009 my life stopped.
I found a lump in my breast and after that its been years of surgery, chemo, radio, herceptin, CT scans, Isotope Scans, MRI Scans, hormone treatment............ aarrgghh
I think I kind of became a human robot, going through the motions and living each day as best I could. That day my life as I knew it abruptly changed forever.
I could have dealt with that had I not had young children but now in 2012 having had a second cancer, I feel as though my eyes have opened and my 7 and 10 year olds are now 11 and 13.
Harry left primary school last week.
I had a whole range of emotions but mostly I found myself grieving for the years I had lost through cancer. The fact that I was too ill to carry on the fight for my sons education, the parties and activities I missed, the school yard even.
So much has happened in that school, so many hardships and disappointments but so many good times and such joy.
I may have lost those years but I have gained the rest. Had I not found that lump, had I delayed getting it checked out, I may not be here now typing this. This is what I focus on.
I feel as though I have been at sea..... ship wrecked...... struggling to stay afloat, going under but being pulled back up gasping for air. At one point I almost reached shore only to be swept back out again but eventually I made it. I got to shore and at the moment I am lieing at the waters edge, catching my breath ready to walk into the sun and discover what beauty lies beyond the dangerous sea which held me for so long.