As I lie here contemplating my day, I am blessed with bird song and sun together with a crisp autumn breeze.
Life is a treasure.
I haven't posted for a while. The black dog has had me firmly in his grip. Anxiety levels have been extreme, self doubt, self hate and feeling unworthy.
It's a hard and constant fight.
Going out of the door in the morning is a struggle although nobody would guess it because they are greeted with a smile and merry chatter but gosh.... the pretence is exhausting so socialising in the evening is something that I avoid these days.
Some friends will understand this and quietly accept the stormy sea I am travelling with a watchful eye ready to cast out a life boat if necessary and every now and again, showing me their light to remind me of their presence.
Other friends don't understand why my journey is so difficult or why I haven't called into their port yet. They see the mighty waves I am battling as mere sea.... but they haven't encountered the devilish waves sent to scupper me.
This is my journey though and I must concentrate on my course and keeping my battered ship intact.
I appreciate my beacons for they offer hope. The impatient ports can wait for I am not sure that I will ever dock there even when I find more settled seas.