Life

Its been almost a month since I last posted. I have been busy getting my life back on track and writing has been the last thing on my mind.

I still want to do my photo idea which I covered in my last post but I am hanging fire with it until I feel the time is right and I do it in a way I feel comfortable with.

I have been enjoying getting physical again and the wonderful thing is, my back is getting less painful. Just shows you what carrying around two bags of sugar on your chest can do to you!

I am still coming to terms with what has happened to me though. Not sure if I will ever get over this episode in my life.

I get a few seconds of reality. Its like a wave washing over me, it comes and goes. I suddenly realise .... exactly .... just .... what .... has .... happened, and it feels as though my life has been part of a horror movie. As the horror registers in my brain, I instantly push it back into its box and slam the lid shut on it and carry on with my life.

I suppose my brain is still processing everything and by drip feeding in this way, I am not over come with the enormity of it all. 

I was thinking about my youngest son and how that a couple of years ago I was worried sick about his future, he was so depressed and sad, on a path of self destruction. He is now a handsome, tall and confidant teenager - I suddenly was overcome with gratitude! The realisation that I could well have died and not seen this transformation was like a cold shower. I cried.