Cancer has changed me, not only physically but emotionally and mentally as well.
In my life I have done many things. I started out as an office junior on a young workers scheme and worked my way up to become a buyer managing a small department. I continued my career instigating and co-ordinating cost reduction projects. It was a rewarding but it meant long hours, travel and stress.
When trying for a family was proving difficult I decided to take a huge gamble and I gave up my job with its nice pay and bonuses and started to work for a company in my village. 50% pay cut BUT it meant I actually got a lunch break and the hours were 9-5!!!!! Less stress and bingo.... Joe came into being.
When Harry was born my pay wouldn't cover child care costs so I gave up my job with saddness because I had changed the role from a secretarial position to an admin post and I really enjoyed it very much.
I am not a stay at home mum so despite the fact that I had huge problems with my boys for my own sanity I started to do Avon.
Avon gave me so much confidence and I realised that I could do anything I set my mind too so when Pickles my miniature schnauzer came into my life I enrolled on a course and became a dog groomer.
My business was beyond successful and was built on reputation and word of mouth so when I was diagnosed with cancer in 2009 it was a shock to have to give up my business.
Cancer took over my life for the 2 years of treatment. Dealing with the countless hospital visits and the side effects of treatment.
In the 3rd year I suffered from depression because I realised that my life had changed because of cancer. I was unable to physically do the things I used to do.
In the 4th year I had another breast cancer.
So here I am now with my 4 and 1 year clears under my belt and I am starting to get back to work very very slowly because my physical disabilities have curtailed what I am able to do.
Truth is though..... I dont know what I want to do with the rest of my life.
I want to work for myself but I dont know what.
Of course, if I had the money there are loads of things I could do, I would have the money to re train but thats not an option for me.
So I feel as though I have come to a cross roads in my life and I am standing here puzzled and confused as to which road I need to travel down.
It's hard - very challenging. Where to go next, what to do next, where to invest your energy. The limbo is hard. I don't know what ideas you were fostering, but maybe becoming a virtual assistant might be an idea? (Particularly since you’ve got such stellar experience.) You work from home and connect with businesses/start-ups, etc. that are in need of support. That's one idea. :)
ReplyDeleteYou know, with all my heart I wish I could tell you that it will all get better and you'll lose this stagnating feeling and you'll be ready to move forward into something new, something vital that you love. But here I am, going into my 8th year this spring and I'm still puzzling it out.
ReplyDeleteI really do believe that our cancer experience has changed us in more ways than just physically and I think one of the most important lessons we are meant to learn is that we don't need to be "on" or "stressed". You talked about the stress from before Joe was born and how when you let go of the stressful career you got pregnant. But stress is and has been part of your life and I say with all seriousness that stress also played a part in your cancer. I am convinced that it did in mine.
So what we both need to be looking at is how to live out our lives comfortably, with joy, with peace and happiness without putting ourselves in stressful situations.
What that will look like for either of us is hard to say and maybe there is no "answer" other than to continue to live life happy for the day and finding the joy where it is and being able to say "thank you" for those small pleasures, joy and love.
I hear you -- I really do. Sending love. xo
My best to you, Sara - you are young, you can travel many different paths, start now, change as often as you want - Ronda (LHS)
ReplyDeleteI'm on the other side of the world in snow-covered Ontario Canada. Your post has touched me and made me want to stand up and cheer for you and the strength and courage you live with. If I could wave a magic wand to reveal which was the right road for you to choose, I would do it in a flash. Alas, I don't possess that kind of magic but magic lives within you. So, steadily, one careful foot in front of the other you will find you way. Blessings, Elaine
ReplyDeleteIf you start down a path, remember, you can always turn around...
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