This video says it all for me, how I feel about September and sadly it probably says it all for those affected by the 9/11 tragedy ten years ago.
Tomorrow is 10th September..... at 6.42am on the Mold Road, my big brother Peter Geraint Kyffin was driving to work when he had a blow out..... A bright, dry morning, perfect driving conditions but that day his number was called....... He hit the curb at 70mph and ricocheted into a lamp post on the other side of the road. His car was shaped like a banana and the lamp post came down on top of him.
Peter was dead straight away. Massive trauma to the back of his head.
I heard from emergency sources (Wrexham is such a small town in that way) that when they turned up they knew he was gone and were more worried about the child car seat and the possibility of there being a child involved.
That day I was in work as usual. My colleagues were talking about a big crash on Mold Road and not being one for "cashing in" on peoples misfortunes I carried on with my work while they chatted. A phone call from reception to tell me I had a visitor. I always planned my appointments and no visitor was scheduled. I was then told it was my dad.
I went into reception and as soon as I saw my dad, things magically seemed to click into place. All he said to me was "It's Peter"..... my fiance at the time was called Peter but I knew straight away he was talking about my brother. I remember sitting down on the reception sofas, then standing up, doing this repeatedly until I was ushered into a room with my dad.
Nobody would let me drive home.
When I got home I was met by my mum, in tears. She was wearing a floral dress and had no shoes on, in the street! This wasn't like my mum......
After that the years went past in a blurr..... I don't remember allot of my life back then, I think your brain shuts down to save you from further pain which frankly I can tell you is unbearable.
I remember seeing him at the Chapel of Rest and he was lieing there so perfect.... so perfect.... and that's when it hit me...... I doubled up and cried.... I felt as though I had been stabbed.
I have never felt pain such as that since and I hope to God I never will.
So 21 years has past tomorrow at 6.42am when he left us and there is not one second of any day that I don't miss him. I can put the pain and sorrow away under lock and key but then days like today hit me and I am reliving the nightmare again and again.
I talk to my boys about Peter..... Harry looks remarkably like him in so many ways..... His hair line, the shape of his face, his head even...... They like to hear stories about him and that's my way of keeping him alive although to me he never died, he has been a constant in my heart.
I miss sharing stuff with him, I miss the fact that he never met Jason or my children.
I take comfort in the fact that I know he is out there somewhere looking after all of my beloved animals. I talked to Harry about this and he said "well I hope that when I die Uncle Peter will give me my hamsters back". Of course he will!
I caught myself earlier looking at the date on the computer screen.... 9th...... and the thought crossed my mind that 21 years ago on this day my brother had everything to live for. A lovely home, a caring and loving wife and a one year old daughter.
Its such a good job that we don't know what lies ahead.
So to Peter, my big brother, my mentor, my heroe...... Missed and Loved Always....
Your Yiper Doll xxx or YaYa xxx