Goodbye 2012

As this year comes to an end one can't help but look back and review what has happened.

Like 2011 the year started badly with Wilbur being taken ill. Almost at the same time I was diagnosed with another breast cancer.

Surgery followed for both of us and radiotherapy for me.

Our pet insurance company refused our claim on a technicality and we were left to scrape together £2000 which has crippled us.

My dad was very ill and was in and out of hospital and I was plagued with a string of illnesses which made it impossible to visit him.

The side effects of my new hormone treatment left me in constant pain so each day was a struggle.

In september my dad died and I was left to sort out everything. On the day of the funeral I was given the date for my oopherectomy so with another operation, the stress of clearing his flat and sorting out his affairs coupled with the demands of strangers made for a difficult time. No wonder my blood pressure is high.

So those are the bad parts of the year but there were plenty of good bits too!

The Gathering
Snowy was given to me and she has been the light in my life
I judged a dog show!
Mike Peters gigs

But most of all I am humbled by the LOVE and support given to me by so many.

So in the embers of a horrible year the one thing that stands out for me is the amazing and wonderful people I have in my life.

Talk! Speak! Communicate!

I thought that the quote in this picture was so right until I read it a few more times and thought about it. 

Now I am going to contradict this picture..... 

OK sometimes it is good to keep quiet about things because you know that others just don't "get" you BUT isn't it right to try to help people understand? (note here I used the world help rather than make).

Keeping silent about things because you think others won't understand is the wrong approach I feel.

I know there are people out there reading my blog who haven't had cancer or breast cancer so how can they understand what my journey has been like?

Indeed.... how can I understand the journey of a fellow breast cancer patient? I am not her and she is not me.

I think that God gave us a voice, he gave us communication and therefore its wrong to not use these gifts.

Today I received a lovely message telling me how my openness about my breast cancer journey has helped take away the fear of it in her life. Had I remained silent because people didn't understand I would not have helped that person.

My sons are on the autistic spectrum.

Decades ago, these children would have been sectioned and put into a special "hospital", their "condition" would not have been talked about, kept quiet, silent. Some children would be written off as naughty and a bad lot!!!!

Talking about Autism leads to greater awareness, tolerance, acceptance.......

Years ago we lived in communities and we saw all of the different things that could BE a person. There was no medical intervention, no TV or magazines to tell us how we should look, there were no dentists and you were lucky if you got to the age of 40.......

In these communities we would see disabled people, blind, deaf, diseased, those with no teeth, we would see birth and we would see death.

In this perfect century in which we live we are sheltered from such things and as a result we have no empathy or tolerance.

So my message in this post is................

Change - New Chapter - New Beginings

When you have had chemo, for years later you can suffer with "Chemo Brain" or "Chemo Fog".

I have suffered with it and only as I approach my 4th year of my first breast cancer diagnosis I can feel it starting to lift.

Its like a lock of hair which has been curled, slowly, slowly being pulled down until it is straightened out again.

At last I feel as though I am starting to function again. 

The fog is lifting and I can see the sun peeking through at last.

I suppose it "came" to me this week while I have been alone that I need now to focus on my future.... to come up with some new plans and find a way of achieving them. 

Its an exciting time but its also unnerving.... can I do it? will I fail? 

But I have to make that jump..... I didn't particularly like the chapter in the book of my life but its safe, its well read and the pages are familiar.... closing that chapter and starting on a new one is going to be a challenge.

To end this post lets listen to Mike Peters perform his song "New Chapter" performed at Wrexham in front of me on 1st November 2012 

Pictures curtesy of Google Search 

Big Pants

I lasted 2 weeks to the date of my Oophorectomy operation to face up to the fact that with this operation I NEEDED big pants!!!

Yes I purchased a Sainsburys pack of 5 BIG PANTS and I wished I had dont it sooner. Not only does the cotton of the BIG PANTS protect my scars, they are so comfortable.

Oh but don't be misled by my statement there.... I will not be using my BIG PANTS beyond when the scars heal thank you very much because no amount of lace or patterning can make them attractive or me to feel that way when wearing them.

My advice to any lady going in for that sort of operation - invest in a collection of BIG PANTS to see you through your healing process.

Red Poppy Tour - Mike Peters

Central Station in Wrexham is a brilliant venue for any band. Its big enough but small enough to be intimate. 

Quite a few well known artists have played there including Big Country, Black Stone Cherry to name but a few.

Last night Mike Peters played at Central Station as part of his Red Poppy Tour and despite the fact I was only 9 days post surgery I honestly could not miss this event. I knew the venue, I knew the layout and I knew that if I got there early enough I could get a seat which would protect my tummy and rest it too.

The fact that I had promised to take my son Joe who had just turned 14 to his first Mike Peters gig was something I didn't want to miss.

Picture by Sue Owen via FB

The evening was made even more memorable by meeting other members of the Alarm family. 

Picture by Sue Owens via FB

Joe was a little shell shocked and shy but he thoroughly enjoyed his first Mike Peters gig. A couple of months ago his dad took him to see The Wombats in Delemere Forest and he was quite worried that there would be fans throwing cans and bottles...... No fear of that at a Mike Peters gig, the fans are too in awe of this incredible musician and appreciate his music to detract from the atmosphere with such antics.

The set list was awesome A New Chapter, Without a Fight, Breathe, Majority, Unsafe Building, Deeside, Spirit of 76, Without a Fight, One Guitar, Blaze of Glory, Moments in Time, Love Hope and Strength, Hallowed Ground, Second Generation ..............a m a z i n g

A Week Ago

This time last week I was still in the operating theatre having my Ooporectomy. A week has gone by and I don't regret it for a moment. It was the right thing to do and now I have the rest of my life to look forward to with no cancer baggage weighing me down in the form of monthly Zolodex injections.

This picture was taken a couple of days after the surgery. This is the op site on my right side, there is a smaller one on my left and one inside my naval.

The stitches are disolveable so no worries there about having them taken out.

The stitches are starting to break up now and I will be glad when they have gone because the op sites are sore. It's not too bad really its just that I worry about infection.

My lumpectomies and nodal sweep operations were far more painful than this op so I am hoping to be back in some sort of action in a week.

So the future for me is bright! No more Zolodex injections! (note to self: must phone the district nurse to let her know!).

I am looking forward to getting back into work, getting my dog grooming business up and running again.

Today is a Gift...

Kung Fu Panda

Ah.... what a film!!

These films are a bit like Enid Blyton stories where there is a moral within them.

I love this scene because the quote: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery today is a gift" is such a brilliant saying to live by. A interpretation of what Jesus tells us to do, to think of today not tomorrow.

I think thats what we forget to do really. We tend to live in the past and worry about the future and whats the point? We can't change the past, its happened, its done with, we must accept and learn from it. We can't predict the future its so "unknown" but what we can do is live for today.

Today we have been blessed with all that we have and today is a day for making memories, good memories and happy times.

Don't worry about the future because we don't have ultimate control over it, what will be will be.

Ah... a memory comes to me.......

I was a little girl and I used to walk home from school across a small road, on the way, old Mr Jones would be standing at his wooden gate. He couldn't walk far because he was very old and had poorly feet. I think he may have been a litte senile too because he would always ask me my name. When I told him my name was .....

Sara

He would serendade me with this song..........

and give me a ..................

I often wonder what happened to Mr Jones.