I've Lost Count!!

So much has happened since 17th February that I have lost count on how many weeks have passed since my operation.

A week last Friday I had the stitches removed which had become embedded in my skin. Indeed, two stitches had tangled up with each other and were trapping a nerve hence my pain. Three syringes of fluid was also removed.

This could have been done on the Tuesday had my surgeon been available but instead I had to wait a further 3 days before my suffering ended.

However, the relief was almost instant and from the Sunday I gathered up my courage and started to go back to my horse care routine with continued help from my wonderful friends. I honestly don't know how I would have coped so if you are reading this...... Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

So here I am now..... my back pain has returned with a vengence but at least it's not a threat to my life and I know what I need to do to sort it out.

Spending this week with my boy has been the best medicine I ever could have wished for. Just being with him, smelling him, watching him, loving him has filled my heart with so much joy I could burst. (Don't worry, I won't burst because that would be rather messy).

At last, this part of my life is over and I am looking forward to the summer and making the most of life, after all.... you only get one!!

Fears and Setbacks

Following the last weeks outcomes when my other implant started to leak albiet only a little I was absolutely scared to death. 

Thankfully I was seeing the surgeon before the Easter break and long weekened.

I actually went to hospital prepared for an operation to remove the implant - how silly am I!!!!

The stitches were taken out of the failed side which didn't hurt until under my arm where the nerves haven't been severed but there were only a couple to take out there and it was only like a needle stab.

The other side had been weeping and there was some slough but the scab was alot smaller. It was cleaned and redressed.

I have the surgeons number so if anything goes wrong over the long weekend I can contact her.

This morning I feel better. Although there has been a small discharge about the size of a 5p my "breast" feels less tight and the tingling has gone.

I think that I just over did things the other day. I scrubbed the bathroom because I was frustrated. I thought I felt better so I did it but in retrospect I did too much too soon.

So up until my next check on Tuesday I am going to try to take things easy. I am going to up the walking and moving but lay off the movements such as scrubbing and brushing etc.

Seeing Cola each evening has lifted my spirits enormously. Just talking to him and lightly brushing him has helped more than any amout of therapy. Big thanks to my dear friend who has been taking me.

My target for after my next consultation is to start driving again - only short journeys but I can build it from there.

I had a thought though yesterday about the infected implant........

2 weeks post op I was screaming in pain that weekend and when I went into the hospital on the Monday my surgeon wasn't available so I went in for a scan and they drained the fluid off the outer edge of the breast under the scan. Having taken 3 or 4 syringes of fluid out of this area the doctor then tried to take fluid from the cleavage area and she failed..... Then 4 days later I have an infection in the cleavage area....... I don't think she changed the needle for each area. Could it be that the infection was in the outer area where the fluid was and she has introduced the infection to the delicate cleavage area where the necrosis was profound??

Who knows.

All I know is that the aftercare leading up to my infection and implant removal has been diabolical and has probably contributed to my complications.

Ah well.... I am not bitter, how can I be?

6 Weeks Post Op following Set Back

6 weeks ago today I had a double mastectomy and reconstruction.

1 week ago today I had one of the implants removed due to a big infection and seroma.

So far, although I didn't plan to be breast less I can quite honestly say that I feel alot more comfortable than I have since I had the initial operation.

This time last week I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, moving was painful and I assumed a hunched posture as normal.

Today I had my check up with the surgeon.

She decided not to remove the stitches, to allow a couple more days for it to heal some more. They are the old fashioned type which are not very pretty but they allow for any fluid to leak out.

There was some fluid under the wound so she asperated that. The fluid didn't look ikky and came away quite freely.

The remaining implant was redressed and she took a swab from one of the scabs which is lifting and explained that I am not out of the woods yet, she is still holding her breath for that side because the infection was so close to this that the implants were touching.

I think its ok at the moment because my first big lumpectomy scar is now less pink and is a bit baggy. Nobody else would notice that fact but I can because its my scar.

I was put on another course of antibiotics.

The infection has left fragile skin which is why there is a hole. It will be 12 months before I can consider reconstruction on this side because the tissue has to repair. At that point they will check on the elasticity of it and decide whether or not to chance another implant OR I have tissue from my stomach used for reconstruction.

At the moment I am concentrating on the fact that I am cancer free and I have reduced my risks - that is the biggest bonus of all.... well that and the fact that I am still alive!

The last 6 weeks have been hell and to be honest with you I am looking forward to returning to normal and if that means that I have to wear a prosthesis for a year then so be it.

Oh Yeah!

Five and a half weeks post surgery and reconstruction and its all gone a bit wrong. 

How do I find the positive in this one then??

Well I can tell you how!!!

I sported a very annoyingly ample bosom pre surgery. Annoying because it got in the way of my very active life!!

Having the mastectomy then immediate reconstruction with a tram flap procedure meant that my size went down considerably.It took me a few weeks to actually get used to the huge change in size.

Last Tuesday, I lost the left implant due to a very nasty infection.

The plus side of this???????

Well, I got to go to nothing in stages so it hasn't been such a huge shock.

I don't like it but the alternatives were not conducive to a long and healthy life. Ticking (or not quite ticking really) time bombs strapped to my chest.

The threat is gone now and I am just left with the aftermath.

My youngest son was visibly shocked and upset by this latest procedure although he puts on a brave face for me. Being autistic he deals with things visually so this will have struck him harder.

My answer to him and to anyone for that matter is this.

My breasts have done what they were designed to do. I miss them but I can live quite happily without them. There are worse things to lose like limbs and my faculties and the prime purpose of all this mess is that I am cancer free at long last.

Today I feel quite good. 

A stark contrast to how I have been feeling since my initial surgery. Shows me just how much of a brave face I seem to have put on.

The stitches are starting to heal and God willing they will be removed on Tuesday. They are not neat stitches because of the infection, they are raggedy so that any fluid can leak through the scar. The scar is quite long and reaches to under my arm and this is because of scaring from previous surgeries and procedures and there is a hole towards the centre of my chest caused by the infected tissue.

At this point in time I don't care what I look like too much. I just want to get on with life and grab each day. I know that when my body and mind are both ready I can go for reconstruction again if I want to and I probably will.

Angelina Jolie - Ooperectomy

Angelina Jolie - Hollywood Actress, beautiful strong mother of six children carrying the breast cancer gene which claimed the lives of both her mother and grandmother.

She has made the brave decision to have an elected mastectomy and reconstruction and now an Ooperectomy in order to reduce the risk of cancer.

I have had both of those surgeries.

I had to push really hard for my Ooperectomy even though part of my breast cancer treatment was to medically shut down my ovaries for 5 years!

Thats one abdominal injection per month for 5 years!!!

It doesn't make me feel less feminine. 

It hasn't been a chore at all. 

Most of the treatments I have received have given me the symtoms on menopause anyway so having the ovaries removed and being plunged into that part of my destiny was no big deal and the fact that I have reduced the risk of cancer alot is a huge reassurance for me.

Had I not had breast cancer three times ...

Had I been told that I carried the gene.....

I hope that I would have had the strength to do what Angelina Jolie has done.

I hope that her open and honest declaration makes this extremely hard decision doable for other women.

5 Weeks Post Surgery

I tried to blog about my VAC machine a few days ago but I just couldn't access it. Not sure what the problem was, maybe it was the links I had put on there but I ended up having to delete it which is a shame because I put alot of effort into that particular post.

When it comes to healing post surgery I have discovered that things can change in a day. This time last week I saw my surgeon and things were going really well but by Thursday my left breast had "exploded" - ok, slight over reaction there. It had a build up of seroma which leaked out of a hole in the wound. There was "slough" which is a medical term for dead and dieing skin (gosh on this cancer journey its amazing what you learn).

YUK!!!!

This isn't mine by the way!!

So the surgeon debrided the area and decided to fit a VAC machine to help pump away the seroma. If a seroma is left to accumulate it CAN turn into an abcess which apparently isn't a good thing when you have implants.

I couldn't feel anything apart from pushing etc because the nerves in the breast area are damaged. It still didn't stop me from pulling a few faces just at the thought of what she was doing. Yikes!!

The leaking hole is made slightly larger in order to accommodate the foam and machine which is then pressed firmly down and sealed so that its air tight. The seroma is then drained into the machine which is supposed to increase the healing time.

I certainly hope so because I have had too many set backs.

How do I feel 5 weeks post mastectomy and reconstruction?

I feel itchy, sore, swollen. The pain isn't as bad as it was initially and at least it doesn't keep me awake at night but its not comfortable. The added weight of the VAC machine doesn't help along with its FARTING noise!!

I am totally fed up because I didn't expect to be as I am right now, I thought I would be virtually back to normal but for whatever reason be it the infection, the seroma, whatever its been delayed and I think it will be quite some time before I am pain free.

The other thing which shocked me was the size of the black scab on the breast. The right side is covered by a pad and is healing very nicely but the side with the pump attached is covered by a see through dressing. 

Not mine!!!

The radiotherapy damaged skin has died and left behind the scab but as the surgeon debrided the area she checked and could see that the second layer of skin was healthy and when the scab goes it will leave behind healthy skin.

I missed volunteering on the Love Hope Strength Foundation stand at last weeks Mike Peters gig in Central Station, Wrexham. Gutted to say the least! 

I get so frustrated at missing out on life so much by recovering from surgeries and treatment. Lets hope that this is the end of my tussle with cancer.

I do feel that I have been living my life with a monkey on my back.

Lets hope this monkey is well and truly jogging on.

Week 4 Post Surgery

I had my check up at the hospital today and the good news is that my wounds are healing nicely. 

There is a build up of fluid on one side but not enough to aspirate. They have to weigh up the pros and cons of draining the fuid vs getting an infection via a needle hole.

I felt very sick and tense before my appointment. I thought that I was coming down with something but once it was over and done with I felt much better. So nerves it was then.

I am still sore and moving is difficult but I am pushing myself more now in the hope that by next week I will at least be able to drive and perhaps starting to care for my boy again.

There have been times during this surgery that I have wondered why on earth I ever bothered with having a reconstruction and although they feel totally weird I am sure that with time and as the swelling reduces I will get used to it and consider the pain worth it.

Boobs!

I have never appreciated the true value of boobs before. I have taken them for granted and to be honest with you, I give you this piece of advice.......

"be careful what you wish for"

Sporting a 32F / 32G cup I have wished for smaller boobs and now having had 3 surgeries on them I don't have them anymore.

Well.... I do have them but they are not like my own! They have been put there but I have yet to mentally adopt them.

32C - wish I looked like her as well!

More than a handful is a waste so they say.

Alot of breast tissue was removed and I think I have explained in earlier posts what they did. I am hoping that as a result of this my chronic back pain will be gone.

Its been an assett carrying my extra weight for the last 6 years. Its as though my body kind of "knew" what was coming and the size issue has helped me to keep a decent rack of boobs.

Now however, I need to diet. I need to lose this excess weight I have been carrying around all this time so that I can show off these babies and accept them as my own.

I don't know how I am going to to this or when.

Now is not the time. I am still on antibiotics and although I have intense itching today I still have fluid build up and pain.

I am just looking forward to getting my life back on track and being able to do simple things.

Week 3 Post Mastectomy/Reconstruction Surgery

I took myself to see the Breast Care nurses in hospital on Monday because I was in a terrible state. I felt really low both physically and mentally and was in so much pain I could barely walk.

Bless my husband he took me to the unit via  a wheelchair, I honestly don't think I could have managed on foot and that's truly not like me at all.

The doctor who checked out my surgery site said straight away that there was an infection present. Having looked further decided that the fluid build up would need to be checked and drained. My wounds were all OK.

I waited for nearly an hour wearing a hospital gown and on my own because "men" weren't allowed in this area. I was called into the ultrasound room and was told that they would drain the fluid. They wouldn't use a local anaesthetic they would see how they got on.

It hurt as they rummaged with the needle although they did try to be gentle. The fluid literally filled the syringe within moments much to their surprise so they fumbled for a second syringe, that did the same then the third...... Thank goodness that was over. 

The blood spillage on my arm smelt like copper - I don't like that smell.

I was offered a cup of tea but I just wanted to get out of there and back to my husband.

The relief from the drainage was instant, at last I could put my arm down!

Antibiotics were collected from the chemist along with more painkillers. What a shock to be charged £8 for the antibiotics because the prescription was written in England! I am a welsh patient, I live in Wales, I have never lived in England and I pay Welsh taxes - totally unacceptable and unfair just because Wales cannot provide the surgery I need.

Rant over!

The antibiotics have worked and I am feeling much better but the fluid has built up again and I am worrying about my appointment on Friday and having drainage again.

You see... I have been fighting cancer since 2009 and I have had more procedures done than I have had hot dinners my entire life. I am sick and tired of being poked and prodded of having cannula's inserted and needles pushed in here and there. 

So there you are that's as far as I am with this stupid disease!

Two and a Bit Post Surgery

It's taken me two and a half weeks to realise that.....

1. I have had two major operations all in one go  

and...

2. It was a double whammy so all of my chest is affected and both arms





I have had advice from ladies who have had one affected or taken surgery one step at a time and I kind of expected to be feeling better than I do right now.


However.... after really over doing things a couple of days ago and spending yesterday feeling very ill indeed I have accepted 1 and 2 as listed above.



So..... surgery......

It's a kind of a new procedure (very interesting).


I have had radiotherapy to both breasts which has (apparently) damaged the blood vessels and muscle in those areas which makes reconstruction quite difficult. The muscles can be squishy (the words of my surgeon) and the blood vessels quite brittle.

So....


What they did is this......


They removed 3lbs of breast tissue within which they found 3mm of cancer. This one was DCIS. 

The remaining lymph nodes in my left arm were removed.

Then for the reconstruction they cut through my pectoral muscles and attached a kind of collagen fibre to create a pocket in which they deposited the implant.





The skin was then folded over in a double layer hence the tiny size of my boobies compared to what they were. The reason for this is kind of like an insurance and protection purpose.



My drains were removed after 14 days (that was a relief I can tell you!). Now, 2 and a half weeks post surgery how does it feel???


Itching!!! The itching is driving me insane

Tight - the dressings and healing skin cause it to feel tight

Deep Muscle pain - sneezing is hell

Muscle Weakness - not allot of strength in the muscle areas

Strange!!!!! - feels as though I have bricks in my chest! That, together with the fact that I have no feeling in the area due to nerve damage makes it feel totally weird.