Life is Good

I really feel at peace with life right now.

I am in a good place for once in my life.

The fog is starting to lift from my mind, my thought processes are becoming clearer, I am beginning to get myself back after the last 4 1/2 years of hell.

Things have changed so much during that time, life doesn't stand still just because you are fighting for your life.

Cost of living has gone up (allot) and my husbands wages have gone down (allot), with me not working since 2009 - we are under pressure economically. I never ever thought that we would be in this situation at this stage of our life together but having said that I never ever thought that I would get cancer TWICE.

Over the last week or so we have made some big decisions. We are going to down scale what we have so that we can consolidate our finances whilst supporting our youngest son through a difficult transition to a new school (I will cover that one in a post of its own). With him being on the Autistic spectrum its important to channel my energies into him.

During this time I am going to do more courses and studying so that when the time is right I can launch a brand new business. 

The thoughts are in my head at the moment, still in that brain storming phase before I put pen to paper and a plan of how I am going to achieve these goals.

Big changes in our lives but exciting times really. 

Things to look forward to.

At the end of the day I have a most beautiful soul mate in my pony Cola, I have my dogs, a fabulous husband and two (stressful) but gorgeous sons, an amazing support network of brilliant friends and most of all I have my life and my health. 

Life is good.

I am at a Cross Road in my Life

Cancer has changed me, not only physically but emotionally and mentally as well.

In my life I have done many things. I started out as an office junior on a young workers scheme and worked my way up to become a buyer managing a small department. I continued my career instigating and co-ordinating cost reduction projects. It was a rewarding but it meant long hours, travel and stress.

When trying for a family was proving difficult I decided to take a huge gamble and I gave up my job with its nice pay and bonuses and started to work for a company in my village. 50% pay cut BUT it meant I actually got a lunch break and the hours were 9-5!!!!! Less stress and bingo.... Joe came into being.

When Harry was born my pay wouldn't cover child care costs so I gave up my job with saddness because I had changed the role from a secretarial position to an admin post and I really enjoyed it very much.

I am not a stay at home mum so despite the fact that I had huge problems with my boys for my own sanity I started to do Avon.

Avon gave me so much confidence and I realised that I could do anything I set my mind too so when Pickles my miniature schnauzer came into my life I enrolled on a course and became a dog groomer.

My business was beyond successful and was built on reputation and word of mouth so when I was diagnosed with cancer in 2009 it was a shock to have to give up my business.

Cancer took over my life for the 2 years of treatment. Dealing with the countless hospital visits and the side effects of treatment.

In the 3rd year I suffered from depression because I realised that my life had changed because of cancer. I was unable to physically do the things I used to do.

In the 4th year I had another breast cancer.

So here I am now with my 4 and 1 year clears under my belt and I am starting to get back to work very very slowly because my physical disabilities have curtailed what I am able to do.

Truth is though..... I dont know what I want to do with the rest of my life.

I want to work for myself but I dont know what.

Of course, if I had the money there are loads of things I could do, I would have the money to re train but thats not an option for me.

So I feel as though I have come to a cross roads in my life and I am standing here puzzled and confused as to which road I need to travel down.