Trips to the doctors are always quite depressing! Yesterday really tipped the scales of harmony for me I can tell you! He just didn't listen to what I was saying, it was as though my feelings and opinions were irrelevant! Well..... hello....... this is MY body we are talking about and MY life!
Anyway...... I felt a bit blue, felt a bit sorry for myself but messages of support came thick and fast from the most wonderful friends and family - they make all of the difference you know!
However, this video of Fenton or Benton in Richmond Deer Park chasing deer really did cheer me up! I laughed until my sides ached and giggled alot afterwards too. I am still giggling now!
I also turned to my mentor Mike Peters, I listened to some of his music and watched some of his videos, I had another look at his web site for the Love Hope Strength Foundation and that gave me the strength and inspiration I needed to sort myself out. This particular song says it all.
The tablets the doctor prescribed to help my asthma seemed to have worked and for the first time in months I woke up feeling human. The pain killers have eased alot of the pain and I actually enjoyed walking the dogs today - yes I felt human!
What a difference a day makes but it just shows you that with the influence of your heroes and mentors, the love and support of your friends through whatever medium can pull you through the darkest of times.
Since coming back off holiday I have been busy beyond belief, hardly having time to draw breath. Part of the problem was caused by some nastiness but that has drifted over me now and I feel genuinely sorry for those people who gain pleasure from others pain.
However, I get great pleasure in making time for friends. I have to conciously do this though otherwise life takes over but the last week I have had really pleasureable moments passing time with people who count.
My lap top has died a death but this has been good for me in a way because with restricted access I am more fussy about who I interact with on Face Book. Its also given me time to persue my other intersts which had been sadly neglected! Reading, rock painting oh and the special project I need to forge ahead with for a certain Miss Woods special day next year!
I hate speaking on the telephone, really I do. I am partially deaf (don't feel sorry for me, its self induced after years of nightclubs and rock concerts without ear protection) so I have to concentrate really hard when on the phone because there are no facial features to read and no body language. Despite this I have had some great telephone conversations this week with friends who really have put a big smile on my face!
The other day I spent time with my friend who I re-met through beauty and horses.... we were in school together and we worked in Scotts nightclub together too. Such a genuinely kind and caring person with the an equally wonderful daughter. Having left her home I bumped into the father of one of the friends I grew up with on the Goulbourne estate. I had such an entertaining conversation with him it really did leave me glowing.
By this time I realised that my husband would be wondering where on earth I was but in true SDW style my phone was flat. That was ok though, I was nearly home, just needed to pop into the local post office to send some packages to two great friends...... I almost made it! Then I got chatting to Jean from the village who I have known all of the 15 years I have lived here. I first got to know her as I walked to work at BASC. Always a smile to spare and time to chat.
I realised this week just who is important in my life. Who the real people are whom I need to care about. Those who seek to harm me deserve not a moments thought or worry I am surrounded by family, animals, people and friends who I am privelaged to have in my life and THEY are the ones who matter!
Anyone who knows me will know just how passionate I am about animals and rock music!
My devotion to The Alarm has spanned almost 30 years.
I first heard their album on my boyfriends turn table and I thought "yeah, yeah, whatever" but shortly after that he took me to see them play in Liverpool and what I saw that night roused a passion in me that other music had or has never done. It was the raw energy on stage, the conviction, the belief in what they were performing. That was it, an Alarm fan was born and an Alarm fan I will die.
Then the Alarm introduced me to Killing for Company and for the first time in almost 30 years my passion was re-ignited by this new band with the same energy, the same magical chemistry and the most amazing vocals from Greg Jones.
My passion for their music has taken me on a couple of brilliant road trips, and has forged friendships even stronger. I have shared many a laugh with Greg on facebook and some great banter has been enjoyed by many. We did become a family and as Greg says on the photo, we did watch out for one another.
The death of Stuart Cable was hard for the band to cope with, his untimely death threw the band into a quandry but with the love and support of their fans/family they continued and the fan base grew.
So as you can imagine, when rumours started to fly around this morning I felt physically sick. Killing for Company - dis-banding? Never!
However at lunch time today my worst fears were confirmed, the band was finished.
The band has brought me alot of personal happiness, so many giggles and laughs and the music has spoken to my soul.
I have been to see many live bands perform in my life..... The Ramones, Big Country, The Damned, Stranglers, The Fall, Wedding Present, Pogues, Men They Couldnt Hang, Inspiral Carpets, The Pigeon Detectives, Edwyn Collins, Depeche Mode, Spear of Destiny plus many more... and yet none of them can hold a torch to Killing for Company.
Killing for Company has brought me back into gigging. At a time when depression, fertility issues, autism, cancer etc got in the way of my life.... they brought it all back for me.
I am so lucky to have a signed album by Stuart and I am amazed it hasnt worn out yet as I have played it so much and even more lucky to have had the privelage of getting to know the band members. They are so kind and caring, always quick to sign something, say hello or have a photo taken with them.
Killing for Company united our family and the fun impish humour of the band made it possible to dabble in a bit of video filming. The band could have gone premadonna on us but they didnt they took the video in the spirit it was intended and we all laughed together.
In the mourning of Killing for Company I take comfort in the history of The Alarm, Mike Peters has resurrected the music so many times.... The Toilets, The Alarm, Mike Peters and the Poets of Justice, The Poets, Coloursound, Dead Men Walking, Mike Peters and The Alarm (new line up)..... I remember the sadness I felt when I found out the Alarm were over, that empty, bereft feeling..... I needed have worried because he is still around after all this time getting bigger and better.
So although I feel immensely sad at the end of the era that was Killing for Company I am extremely proud of what they have achieved and so very grateful for having had them in my life. What is the old saying? "Its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? pretty apt I would say!
Its almost a year since The Alarm rocked an ancient welsh castle to raise money for the Love Hope Strength Foundation. It was an amazing event and I was so proud to be part of it along with some good friends.
So much has happened in this last year and not all good. Friendships have failed, I have lost loved ones and the economic climate has put more pressure on us as a family.
I am always sorry to lose a friendship but if the friend is not tolerant and forgiving then ..... are they really the type of people I want or need in my life? The answer to that is very clearly NO.
I miss Poppy. I think that her death on 5th January 2011 was an omen for the year to come. She was a lovely dog and even better friend. I sometimes relive that awful afternoon when she was run over by a tractor. I can still see her head looking up confused. The only thing I can say that I am happy about is that I was able to pick her up, she looked at me as if to say "ah you're here" and then she died in my arms and broke many hearts.
I will never forget Poppy and the fun and love she brought into my life.
After that I lost my beautiful and wonderful Auntie Heather. She was such a lovely person without a bad bone in her body. She died before her time and has left us all bereft. A huge gap has been left which will never be filled.
At a time when I needed friendship and support I was turned on by those I thought were true friends. I still don't officially know what I have done!
I have "been accused of being things I'm not" my crime being forgiveness..... and giving second chances.
Today we went into Wrexham town to do some shopping. Click on the links to find out more information on the shops and places mentioned, the Queen Square link has a video running. I went in with the boys and my mum and we had a great day. Our first stop was Wrexham Library and the art display there was amazing as were some of the ornaments for sale.
Joe managed to find the book he was after so it was quite a successful visit.
After stopping for cash we paid a visit to the Pebble chip shop on Argyle Street for chip cones, then we sat in Queens Square admiring the trees and flowers and wondering where the Burma Bell has gone???
Wrexham Swimming Baths
Cooks Bridge - Trevalyn Rossett where I keep my pony
Quite a few shops have been hit hard by the recession and so there were alot of closing down sales. A sign of the times to see charity shops and discount stores well frequented.
I also managed to get a fab new handbag for £7, a posh card holder for my personal cards and a dressing gown for under £5 - great bargains.
Once we dropped my mum at home, we stopped off at JayDee Aquatics so that Joe could get his acquarian water tested and purchase some more barbs. The assistant who is the son of the owner plays bass and was quite interested in my badges of The Alarm and Killing for Company....
Killing for Company are a rock band from South Wales. The lead singer, Greg Jones has the most amazing vocals ever and their debut album "Lost Art of Deception" which has not been officially released yet, in my opinion is the BEST album of the year.
The band have a strong personal relationship with each other and this comes through on stage to make an electric performance. They always have time for a smile or a wink and thoroughly enjoy performing.
Sound Check at the Railway, Bolton
Killing for Company Merch
Die So Fluid - the Band Killing for Company were supporting
the lads in action!
The most amazing thing about the band is that they are the most down to earth, polite and considerate bunch of guys. This has got them a loyal following which is growing and growing in numbers. I have made some brilliant friends through the Dukes Army and its awesome to be able to meet up with them at gigs.
The last time I saw the band play was at the Alarms Gathering in Pontins but the sound system was appalling. Credit to them though, despite the bad sound system they still generated alot of interest!
The Railway venue was a small intimate place, must have been the smallest gig venue I have been to in my life. Memories of the Gathering still fresh in our minds, we were sure that the sound system would fail but no worries there, it was amazing.
The lads sang their hearts out and performed with a real passion. No microphone chewing for Greg today although I was quite concerned at one point when he started to wrap the cable around his head.... I felt sure I was going to have to leap on stage to cut the wire off and to give mouth to mouth!!!
Sadly, only six songs but its all about quality and not quantity.
Brilliant band - cannot wait to see them in Birmingham on 3rd May for their first headline date.
There are so many illnesses, conditions and diseases apart from the one everyone always recognises! The picture above was taken a couple of weeks ago at the Gathering in Prestatyn. Basically it is a weekend of rock and roll. Andy Gray was the guitar tech for Mike Peters and what struck me about him at the Gathering 18 was what such great care he took of Mike, it was beyond what his remit must have been.
Imagine how sad I was to hear that Andy is suffering from a condition called MND. Such a talented and nice guy, its just not fair. His sister Janet has a blog and is raising money and awareness of the condition. You can see the red band I am wearing in support of Andy and his sister and all money goes to MND charity.
Fibromyalgia is another condition I have come across recently with two friends being diagnosed. These friends are the loveliest, kindest people you could ever meet and yet their lives are plagued with constant pain.
Of course a condition which is very close to my heart is Autism...... Speech, Language and Communication Difficulties. Both my sons are on the spectrum but my youngest is more profounding affected. He is what they call a high functioning autistic so to the outside world he looks just like any neuro typical child but his perception of the world is totally different to ours.
I actually did a digital story once with Yale and BBC, a 2 min presentation which highlighted Harrys difficulties. At the official showing, there wasn't a dry eye in the audience.
Harry struggles with life.... everything is affected. He can't cope very well with change, sleeping is a huge problem, also co-ordination difficulties, reading and writing. He is also sensitive to touch and light.
Its hard to explain really how it affects him but my chemo brain has given me a deeper understanding of what it is like to be an autistic person. Imagine you are trying to write a letter, something important but as you are doing that there is loud music being played, flashing lights, people tapping you on the shoulder...... thats the best way to explain what every day normal life is like for an autistic person.
I had Harry's SLT report today and I had to read it twice. Being the eternal optimist I can see improvements in H all of the time, I even find myself thinking " is he REALLY autistic?" but when you read reports such as this it is like having salt rubbed into an open wound. It hurts.
We all love our children and we would walk over hot coals to protect them so can you imagine how I feel reading an official document which highlights all of your sons "failings". This is yet another thing parents of autistic children have to deal with.
I get stares over Harrys behaviour, I get tuts, looks of disgust but also I get the odd kind smile or hand on my shoulder.
Autism is a horrible condition in a world dictated by neuro typical people. I adore my son, he is autistic and I love him in spite of that, in fact I love him for that fact. Little things, little breakthroughs give so much more pleasure. Things like.... being able to eat mixed up food, being able to describe things in detail, using a knife and fork to eat...... simple things that parents take for granted.
I never had the normal toddlers.... my children couldn't speak or communicate, I had to deal with temper tantrums and frustration which was distressing for both me and my boys. So now, when I engage with a toddler, I never ever cease to enjoy their babble, their chat and interaction because that was something I was robbed of.
So all I ask is for tolerance of people.... You see that face in the crowd but you don't know their story. Don't brush past, give a smile and give your understanding.
So much has happened since my last post so where do I start?
Firstly, I got my 2 year clear from the surgeons, my mammogram was all good which is such a relief. Having the mammo isn't very pleasant on my scarred breast because of the scar tissue which can be painful at times. Talking of painful breasts though, I took the boys swimming on Monday and got kicked directly in the scar so its been sore all week. I am seeing the oncologist in March so I will discuss this injury with him, I do worry about such things, what they might start etc.
At the end of January we were at Pontins in Prestatyn for the Gathering. Oh what a fantastic weekend that was I can tell you! Rock and Roll and good friends, the picture above was taken on the first night and is just a fantastic illustration of the weekend. Killing for Company were totally amazing as always and such a lovely bunch of lads and Mike Peters.....well...... what an awesome man he is. I presented the last cheque to him for Love Hope Strength Foundation, I raised almost £800 with my run in December.
Joe is doing well on his keyboard, I am amazed at how he can pick up tunes so easily and then teach himself to play them. He has just purchased his first harmonica, the one he taught himself to play on was a kiddies one from a toy shop but this one is a Hohner. It came this morning and he has already taught himself to play Star Wars.
Pickles had a small operation a couple of weeks ago to remove a lump from her chest. It turned out to be a fatty tissue and she is fine. Strangely enough her lump was in the same place as my lump was!!!
My hair is almost grown into a bob which I am really pleased about. I can't wait until I can actually tie it up and fiddle with it. You never appreciate things until they are gone and losing my hair was one of the worst parts of cancer treatment.
So tonight I am having a Virgin Vie party as a favour to a friend who has just started out with this venture. It is just and excuse for a get together and a giggle. I have been busy cleaning the house but its hard with 2 kids and 2 mucky pups in tow.
I will try to keep up to date with my blogging from now on.....
My training for the Tatton Yule Yomp is going well. I am up to 2 1/2 miles in a single run and hoping to increase it little by little each week. I am using my bike to warm up and check out the route and distance for the run then using it for a gentle cool down. All in all I am getting a pretty good work out.
My running time isn't good at all, I am currently running a 13 minute mile but at the end of the day, for me, the race isn't about getting a personal best or by crossing the finish line first. Its about getting back to where I started from before cancer, getting fit and raising a lot of money for the Love Hope Strength Cancer Foundation.
At the moment, the total raised online and offline stands at approximately £260. If you are reading this and would like to support me you can do so by visiting my Just Giving page. I have had some little business cards made with my details on so over the next few weeks I am hoping to distribute them and put a splurge in our village magazine, possibly even in the newspaper - we shall see!
My weight is peeling off me at a painfully slow rate but I am not a quitter, once I have set myself a challenge I will get there! I have at least 14lbs to lose but 20 would take me back to my old weight.
I am enjoying being active again, its something you take for granted when you are fit and well but when illness strikes it knocks your body for six. I have always lived my life at 100mph but now I dont want to lose a second because it is so precious to me.
I am a bit fed up with schools and paediatricians at the moment!
Some incidents in my sons mainstream school have left me frustrated. Not being a person to let any injustice be done, I have expidited the matter and can let you know that I will become public enemy number 1. I am fed up with having to wait around for assessments and tests, it seems to take forever. At the end of the day my son is in year 5 and has the level of a reception/year 1 pupil when it comes to reading and writing, it is such a worry.
My older son is plagued with allergies. Last week he had a serious allergic reaction to something which left him covered in a painful and itchy rash. This spread to his face and airways so we spent a few hours in A&E making sure he was safe. I have had two appointments now with the paediatric team and I feel as though they are putting me on some sort of "holding" process. I need to know what my son is allergic to so that I can make his life more comfortable but they are not willing to do the tests.
Sorry about all of the moaning when my blog started off so positively!
I was ready to take part in my first 10K race on 1st March 2009 but I had been diagnosed with breast cancer one month previously and the biopsy and subsequent operation left me unable to run and once I had recovered from that, the chemo made sure that I definately couldn't run.
I have been getting back into running and need to lose at least a stone in weight but I work best with a challenge. This is why I have entered myself into the Tatton Hall Yule Yomp 10K on 12th December 2010. Its a good time of year for me because I prefer winter running and the circuit is on National Trust property so it will be beautiful. I don't care if I come last, the main thing for me is the taking part and flicking the proverbial V's to cancer!
I am running this race to raise money for a global cancer charity called The Love Hope Strength Foundation so if you see the Just Giving widget at the side of my blog, please consider making a donation to help spur me on.
The foundation does alot of work in the UK and I have just volunteered to help out on their bone marrow drive at local gigs. The USA part of the foundation have already had a phenomenal success.
The Love Hope Strength Foundation was established in 2007. The co-founder, Mike Peters of the Alarm has been hit by leukemia twice in his life, the last time being in 2007.
Mike is from North Wales, not far from where I live and has been treated in some of the same cancer units as I have. The Love Hope Strength Foundation has funded many of the new facilities where I have been treated so folks, I have directly benefited from the Love Hope Strength Foundations fundraising.
Oh where to begin telling you what they have done in the last 3 years. It has been totally amazing. They have rocked Mount Snowdon, they are about to rock Rhondda again next weekend. Everest, Kilimanjaro, Mount Fuji... the list goes on. They climb to the summit and rock it with their guitars!
They have established a bone marrow drive in the USA and are doing the same in the UK. At the Rhuddlan Rocks gig last weekend they established 75 matches. All you have to do is be under 40 (counts me out), cancer free (counts me out again) and give a saliva sample.
Please please please, follow my links and look at the work they are doing and have done. You can follow them on facebook and twitter.
Mike Peters wears combat clothes because he is active in his fight against cancer! To quote him in his song "I'm a soldier marching in an army I got no guns to shoot, all I got is one guitar...."
I was amazed and honoured to be rocking to my all time favourite band in such historic surroundings. My friend Sherry Binns-Smyth has been reading a novel based at Rhuddlan Castle and she asked me to kick some stones for her to defy King Edward I who built the castle in order to subdue us welshies. I willingly did this for her!
At the end of the night the litter strewn across the castle grounds was disgusting so Jason, myself and Lesley stayed behind to help clear up. Its something I feel passionately about, respect for others, for our surroundings and our heritage! I was able to have a brief chat with Mikes wife Jules and yes, with a few glasses of wine under my belt I had the courage to run up to Mike and give him a big bear hug! Why? because he has kept me going not only through life but in my cancer fight. The times I have felt like not going on I have had a message from Jules or I have put on Mikes music and I have continued the fight.
I do apologise for the poor sound quality on these videos but they were shot using my camara. "Walk Forever By My Side" was dedicated to Mikes wife Jules and their two sons Dylan and Evan.
The second video is of Mike singing with Fowler from Ocean Colour Scene.
The "doors" opened at 4pm and we entered the historic ruins of Rhuddlan castle. Never in my life could I have imagined seeing my all time favourite band play in this part of my ancestry. I was honoured and humbled to be there.
The gig was organised in order to raise money for Mikes charity The Love Hope Strength Foundation which is commited to combatting cancer on a global basis. Please visit their web site and look into their work.
Just waiting for my friend to get to the house and we are off to Rhuddlan Castle to see The Alarm and the Levellers rock an ancient castle built by Edward I to try and subdue us Welsh. I wonder what he would say if he knew the welsh were rocking his castle!
The children are now on their summer break and as if on queue, the weather turns for the worst. Last week we had horrendous downfalls of rain which lead to localised flooding (luckily not in my village). It has done the grass some good and weeding my ponies paddock is alot easier so I can't and won't grumble (too much).
Oh yes, just looked outside and its raining again!
This weekend was spent on the welsh mountains at our friends house. She took me to see a wonderful cottage which would be my dream place but sadly its only up for rent. It has land, it is massive with 4 bedrooms and a utility room which could be converted into a grooming parlour. Best of all, no neighbours so I wouldn't have to worry about the dogs excessive barking, the kids could go out to play without worrying about poeples gardens, the children being too noisy, and best of all we would have peace... Its good to have dreams.
I did a silly thing! I used the self checkout machine at the supermarket and only went and left my debit card there so today I need to take a trip out there to pick it up. On the way, I will take my kids for a walk somewhere so we will go prepared with wellies and waterproofs. Watch out for a posting with photographs.
I won in my fight to stop the selling off of Darland High School Tennis Courts, just by the by, thought you would like to know that! I raised a petition of 673 signatures and the plans were dismissed by a respectful majority. If you are interested in hearing more then I will do a seperate blog.
If you are reading this, please could you do me a favour........ log onto Amazon and download a single. It is by a band called Killing for Company and the name of the single is Former Mining Town. The band has recently lost its drummer, Stuart Cable who died suddenly at the age of 40. An amazing person who was full of life, the single has been released in his honour. The proceeds will be split between two great charities which are The Teenage Cancer Trust and Ty Hafan which is a charity caring for children with terminal illnesses. The single only costs 79 pence, so its not much is it but it would help the band, Stuarts family and friends come to terms with their shocking loss whilst supporting two brilliant charities.
The following videos are as a tribute to Stuart Cable. The first one is by his former band The Stereophonics but personally I LOVE the last video "Born Yesterday" where you can see just how passionate Stuart was about his music.
Last Thursday, Mike Peters of the Alarm and a North Wales musician toured the three hospitals in North Wales to highlight their amalgamation. He held a buskathon at each one of the hospitals to raise money and awareness for his charity, the Love Hope Strength Foundation. LHSF has already donated a significant amount of money to the North Wales hospitals in the fight against cancer.
Mike got hit by leukemia about 12 or so years ago, he won his fight only to be hit again with a different form of the disease which is not curable but treatable. Since his diagnosis he founded the LHSF, rocked Snowdon 4 times, Kili, Everest, Rhondda to name but a few. An amazingly talented guy with an equally amazing wife, Jules Jones Peters.
I really wanted to go to the Wrexham Hospital buskathon and Jules invited me to help the team out which I would have truly loved to have done. However, it was my eldest sons induction evening at his new high school so I was unable to make it. I decided to take some flowers for Jules as a show of support and was going to leave them in reception with a little note. When we got to the car park, who should be getting out of their car but Mike, Jules and Matt. To say that God works in mysterious ways is an understatement because I was able to hand the flowers over personally and introduce them to my sons. I was over the moon.
On Monday I went out for an amazing run! Its funny how I come up with the best ideas and thoughts when I am running so I must invest in a dicatphone so that it can come with me on my runs. As I ran in the rain on Monday, I was overcome by the beauty of the world, not just visually but the smell, the rain, it was amazing. I was then struck by the thought that heck, the world is the only treadmill you need. With that thought in mind, I laughed, I jumped and had myself a pretty amazing run.
Our local council has been trying to sell off our high schools tennis courts for development. I instigated a petition and my friend Judy helped me and together we got 673 signatures against the sell off. Judy wrote to the executive council and we were invited to the executive meeting in order to hand over our petition and lodge our objections.
It was quite a heated debate but our community councillor Hugh Jones put forward an amazing argument against the plans. Basically hightlighting the fact that the council had acted in an underhand way and had not made it clear to the board of school govenors the amount of land in question. He also highlighted the fact that selling of school land was against the councils pledge and that of the government. He raised the fact that Prince William was heading a campaign to stop the sale of school land and actually quoted him as saying "recreational land is not a luxury it is a necessity..." He highlighted the fact that Sport for Wales and The Fields in Trust were on our side in preserving the school land. He also drew attention to the fact that in 2009 a survey conducted in our village showed a serious shortfall in recreational facilities.
I am pleased to report that the council voted against going ahead with the planned sell off much to the aggitation of those involved in finance!
Yesterday, 7th June 2010, Stuart Cable, drummer of Killing for Company and ex member of the Stereophonics died aged just 40.
I had just received the bands first album, signed and limited edition. I saw them perform at the Alarms Gathering 2010 and in Liverpool 02 supporting the Alarm.
An amazing new band; energetic, powerful, rock and roll! The album is superb with Greg Jones depth of voice, a quality one rarely finds these days.
A sad, sad loss to those who are passionate about rock!
Those who know me of old will know what a huge fan I am of The Alarm and Mike Peters. The title of my new blog is taken from one of his songs "Fight Back", a song that is about fighting cancer BUT can be about fighting any adversity one faces in life. Personally, when I am down, I play this song and I come back fighting....
Fight Back is all about fighting back.... Opposing negativity and opening your soul up to positivity.
When I finished councelling for depression in 2008 my signature tune became "Without A Fight" also by the Alarm and these two songs combined are me...
I am about to leave Cancer Ain't Gonna Beat Me, I have some ideas for the last post and will be preparing for that over the next few days. Now is the time to move on and kick back.
