Did That Really Happen?

I am struggling with life at the moment.

You would think that being cancer free and having had successful breast reconstruction that my life would be peachy..... but its not.

My way of dealing with bad things in life is to not think about it, just crack on with life and keep smiling but I guess its not the best way to deal with things especially if it puts you in the position I am in today.

This morning, my mind has been wandering and it suddenly hit me, just for a moment because thats all my mind allowed me, the enormity of what's happened to me.

It was like having a cold shower.

It was as though I was standing at a window looking at someone elses life.

Did that all really happen to me? Is this new body really mine?

The mind is a funny thing in the way it protects you.

I guess that now is the time for me to accept that what happened, actually did so that I can heal and put the past back in its place where it needs to be.

Wow Life Moves Fast

I am currently two and a half weeks post reconstructive surgery. Yeah! Didn't see that coming did ya? Neither did I!!

I had put the thoughts of reconstruction to the back of my mind, I hadn't decided what to do and was struggling with making a decision based on the horror and trauma I suffered at the hands of Chester hospital.

Two letters arrived ... and within a short space of time I had made my decision to accept the challenge and take the opportunity that had presented itself. Reconstruction.

I opted for a free flap diep procedure which basically means I got a tummy tuck and they made new boobs out of my tummy.

I was petrified when I went for my pre-op, even more so when I was told that my surgeon had been changed from Mr Graham to Ms Taghizadeh. However Mr Bennett who was part of the surgical team allayed my fears, he spent so much time with me explaining what would happen and reassuring me about the surgeon.

One thing that every plastic surgeon I have spoken too since Chester Hospital horror is that radiated tissue and implants do not work well together. That is the subject of another post though.

Ms Taghizadeh couldn't believe the state I had been left in, questioning the stitch mark scars and told me that I was a project. She reassured me that she would do her best for me and I believed her.

I was prepped for a 12 to 14 hour operation. The anaesthetist gave me the talk about all of the horrors one could experience after such a long operation but he needn't have bothered because Ms Taghizadeh broke her record and the hospital record by completing my op in 6 hours. I swear my mum had my back that day.

The pain was immense and being hooked up to four drains was a bit of a nightmare. The heated blanket post surgery was hell and I felt as though I was being cooked. The nurses monitored me relentlessly making sure that the grafts didn't fail.

So here I am, on the mend with new boobs.

I never ever could have believed that reconstruction would do so much to lift my spirits but I honestly feel as though I have my life back and that I can finally close the painful chapter that was my cancer.

Welcome to the New Year

I hadn't realised that it was so long since my last blog post. Being without a computer doesn't help and while I enjoyed blogging on my smart phone, the fact that the software kept failing made it slightly annoying.

Its only February and already so much has happened in this year, far too much to talk about in one post and really, I don't know where to start!

So far, we have been blessed with a mild and dry winter which has been a blessing. Its meant that Cola has had winter turn out and that has made life a lot easier for me.

Storm Doris yesterday kept Cola was in for the day but he didn't seem to mind that as long as he had a continual supply of meadow hay.

As we approach spring I am filled with new hope for the future even though looking ahead fills me with fear these days. I have been signed off by the oncologist and for the first time in 8 years I really do feel that cancer is done with me. I only have to see the surgeons one more time at the end of the year and I will be written off as cured. I still don't understand why because my last cancer was 2 years ago but because that is considered a recurrence it isn't counted. In my book cancer is cancer but I am so fed up of hospitals and treatment and based on my own instincts and the fact I have no breasts left I am happy to wave bye bye to this part of my life.

I am considering NOT having reconstruction but accepting my life flat. I have joined a group called flat friends and they are giving me the confidence to be as I am now and not pretend to be as I was.

The reconstruction operation I would need would take up to 12 hours to perform and the outcome would be an A cup or at best a B..... Having been an FF I really don't see why I should put my body through such surgery and waste more of my life in recovery just for a tiny minuscule pair of boobs. Instead I am focusing on losing a stone in weight, toning my body up and that way I won't look too bad living flat.

I will try to blog a little more frequently from now on, its quite therapeutic writing my thoughts down and sharing them, my hope is that I can help someone along the way.

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It's a Bra Thing

No matter what surgeries I have had on my breasts, wearing a bra was/is painful. Not, Oh my God reach for the painkillers sort of painful but just annoyingly so.

The problem has become even more of an issue following my double mastectomy and failed reconstruction so I have opted for prosthetic free days. The problem with this is because I had failed reconstruction, I am left with holes... well... not actual holes but the surgeon described them as "dishes" and that's what they are like. This means that my tummy looks even fatter!

In desperation I decided to give Nicola Jane a go and ordered a couple of everyday TShirt bras. Well... what a difference! They are the most comfortable bras I have ever worn AND they make my prosthetics look nice. (Although I do miss the look of my F boobs).

It's come to something when I no longer shout "where's my glasses" instead I shout "where's my boobs". I'm ready for reconstruction now.

I saw the plastic surgeon in Liverpool last August. I haven't heard from them since so a quick phone call confirmed that I haven't been lost, I am still on the list!

I want to put cancer behind me and I can't do that with the hideous deformity I have been left with. The amputation scars are brutal and horrid.

I know that I will never have proper boobs again, they will never look normal but they will be a lot more normal than the battle ground I have been left with.

The plan is to have tattoo designs across my chest. Why would I go for a 3D nipple tattoo because that would be me pretending that these boobs are real and are what I was meant to be. I want to have something pretty to hide the inevitable scars and signify my journey and the strength life has given me.

If anyone has any ideas please feel free to comment.

Struggling

I have been struggling of late.

Thankfully I have been getting support from my GP and a counsellor at Nightingale House. I am trying to sort through my feelings and put them into some sort of order.

I think that when I had my surgery last year I was in rush mode.. I didn't have time to think things through I just followed the advice I was given and made decisions in some sort of shocked zombie mode.

Had I had the luxury of time I am not sure that I would have made the same decisions.

However that is in the past now and its the future I must look to.

Losing my mum was a huge blow. I honestly still can't believe she has gone and when the realisation hits me I feel physically sick to the core.

I am wearing my prosthetics less and less now. They are not me, they are not part of me and for goodness sake they don't even look like my old boobs did!

I am starting to err towards not having reconstructive surgery. I have had too many operations and radical treatments in a shortish space of time, I am not sure how much more either my body or my mind can take. 

Other people have worse scars than me and have to have them on show, they have no choice. People look at me and think I am just a woman with a small chest.

The thought of more major surgery and wasting more of my life on recovery just for aesthetic purposes doesn't float my boat at the moment. The scars are fading and I am getting used to them now. 

I just want to focus on getting fit and healthy again and to be perfectly honest with you the fact that I have no boobs is actually quite nice. I no longer have to strap myself into a sports bra in order to run or ride my horse. I can do exercises without the whoppers getting in the way which they did quite alot and my back is less painful now the weight has gone from my chest.

I am enjoying life most of the time. 

Last week I came down from an incredible high to a low.... The lowest point was last Thursday when the black thoughts crept back into my mind.

I kind of know when I am slipping because when I look in the mirror I see ugliness, an ugly face, I hate what I see. The mind is a weird thing isn't it.

One thing that I am coming to terms with, is the enormity of what I have been fighting. I have spent the last 7 years fighting for my life and in my head I have switched that notion off. Its as though I couldn't acknowledge just how serious a situation my health was in.

I am getting there slowly.... baby steps, always baby steps towards the greater goal.

100 Days of Happy - Day 2

Routine visit to the Shooting Star unit today to see my oncologist. All went well, examinations ok. Being sent for routine bloods and refered to a therapist just to check if I am still sane!! Its always good to get these checks done and dusted so that I can enjoy the next year!

The oncologist was such a gentleman, makes such a huge difference when you are treated with kindness and respect.

Anyone who knows Wrexham Hospital knows how difficult it is to park, as I arrived I prayed to the Angels for a space and I got one straight away and in a great location. Thank you Angels.

While on my way into the hospital I saw an old friend from way back when. Put a spring in my step and a smile of my face. 

I enjoyed a nice cuppa tea in the cafe as I watched people go about their business... I do enjoy people watching.

Put a chilli shepherds pie to cook for tea and Jason went out for some tiger bread and cellophane wrapping paper so that I can finish off the rest of my home made packaging.

Cola was in fine fettle and was quite happy to come into his warm stable today.

A really nice and happy day with lots of things to celebrate.

2015 in Review

Where do I start?

Seriously....... Where .... Do ..... I ..... Start???????

What a year! 

Dreadful.

Heartbreaking.

Glad to see the back of it!!

The year started with a bad feeling I had in my gut. I went for my routine scans on New Years Eve then on New Years Day I found out that the little angel, the dog with whom I found my first cancer lump had died following a sudden illness.

Next.... I received a letter from the council accusing me of running a business from my house without planning permission.... er.... hello?? business? er.... 1 dog a week belonging to a friend if I am lucky!! I have a good idea who did it and I don't hold a grudge because I know that karma has a way of coming back three fold. 

During this upset I was diagnosed with a third breast cancer. I was advised to go for a double mastectomy and reconstruction at the same time. I followed all of the advice I was given but forgive the pun.... it all went a bit "tits up". 

I developed an infection which spread and had to have two emergency operations. Following the final operation, the stitches became embedded and trapped a nerve. Agony doesn't come near to it.

Just as things are starting to work their way out I start having anxiety and panic attacks along with black feelings.

I can confess on here that I did consider taking my life.

I had started to plan care for my animals and it was only a chance meeting with a 90 year old stranger which pulled me out of this storm and I managed to crawl out.

November comes and a pain in my mums shoulder which we thought was a strain led to her being put on tramadol and cocodemol by her GP, this led to a fall and a bad reaction to the drugs. She was treated for an overdose such was the reaction to the painkillers she had been given. Her liver and kidneys had been affected. The antidote to the tramadol brought on a heart attack and then she developed sepsis.

After a week of fighting and boy she did fight! She really didnt want to leave us! She passed.

So forgive me for not being ready for Christmas.

Its been the shittest year of my life. (With some good bits too!)

PS: I was later told by a plastic surgeon that radiotherapy damaged tissue has a high failure rate with implants. So why was I advised to go down this route given that I have received high doses of radon to both breasts????

Commercialise Cancer

I have had a pretty shit 6 years and without going into detail because lets face it, if you know me, if you have read this blog then you will be fully aware of my relationship with breast cancer.

Today I read a blog shared on facebook by a friend and WOW it really did echo exactly how I have been feeling lately. (Just click on the highlighted text and you will be taken there).

On Monday morning, following a pretty traumatic weekend with my teenage autistic son, I had the misfortune of seeing Victoria Derbyshires video diary being advertised on breakfast news. She is 47 and has just had a mastectomy. Shes decided to make this diary and share it everywhere to prove..... prove what???

Do you know what that diary did to me? It made me cry and it made me feel like a complete failure. I went out that morning and thank God for my horse and dog walking because I felt as though I had lost my fight against cancer, that I had lost every ounce of strength I had in me...... Yes Victoria I said my fight against cancer and NOT me being treated for cancer!!!

These celebrities in their glass houses really should put their brains into gear before they decide to spout off about their experiences.

Did she get chucked out of hospital 24 hours after surgery?

Did her husband have to empty and monitor both of the drains for 2 weeks?

Did her husband have to inject her in her stomach every day?

Did her husband have to change dressings with gangrene and rotting flesh?

Does she struggle with bone pain due to cancer drugs and treatment. Painful scars and reduced mobility? Are her hands inflamed so she has lost her grip? Do her insides feel as though acid had been thrown down them? Has she lost years of her children's lives because she has been busy getting poisoned in order to live?

Yep, you can tell I am pretty upset!

Its not just her diary though its everything relating to cancer.

Brave the Shave for example..... PLEASE do not trivialise hair loss through cancer treatment. If you CHOOSE (important word here being choose) to shave your head, then its your choice. You don't experience the sensations of crawling flesh as each hair follicle dies, and the soreness that comes with it. The nakedness of suddenly being exposed as a cancer patient. Not a choice anymore.

Then there are the parties. I get that people are trying to help raise money and awareness and that's brilliant, its great but excuse me if I don't attend or buy tickets for that function because it doesn't sit right with me at the moment. Having fun in the name of cancer.

You might have guessed that I am in a bad place at the moment emotionally. I think I am still processing all that I have experienced, the disfigurement and the losses I have had forced on me by the disease.

I think its great that people are talking about the disease but lets be careful not to trivialise it or to get drawn in to media driven publicity

Today I just had enough

I didn't have a great weekend. I won't go into detail but it left me feeling anxious and sick today.

Then on the news is this reporter who has just had a double mastectomy due to breast cancer and she's there in her hospital bed all bright and cheery saying she's not fighting cancer she's just being treated for it.

I burst into tears.

Lucky bloody you I thought to myself.

She obviously hadn't been chucked out of hospital the next day after the procedure with no after care. She obviously hasn't got a clue what it's like to live with the disease.

This week an amazing man Mike Peters is starting his 3rd fight with cancer and this woman's attitude really upset me.

I know people deal with things in different ways but not everyone gets 5 star hospital treatment. She made me feel even more like a failure.

Keep on keeping on

I never thought that I would ever say this but I am starting to accept the new me. The weird sensations of repairing tissue is easing as is the pain.

Time is indeed a healer.

One thing that is taking longer to get over is the tiredness and the way I don't seem to bounce back from illness as before.

I am feeling anxious about life in general too and that's not very pleasant.

The things that help with everything I am going through is keeping a positive mind set. Never ever make an excuse why you can't. ... a reason is acceptable as is a compromise but never an excuse!

The cadets. I love being a civilian instructor. To mix with an amazing set of young adults and to be a part of helping them to shape their future.

My horse. Yes he is my Guardian Angel. We live parallel lives and we give to each other unconditionally and from the heart.

My family. Without them I wouldn't be the person I am today.  They give me direction and purpose.

My faith.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring be it good or bad. I don't even know why I am here or why I have been spared but I do know that 3 cancers in 6 years = pretty shitty but I am alive and my heart is still beating.

Never give up on life. Just keep on keeping on.

Dip Dip Drop

I seem to have hit the wall.

I have been running in flight mode this year with little time to think about things. Living life on auto pilot as it were.

Now it's just caught up with me and I am facing what has happened and processing it all.

There are times when I want to run. Other times my heart races and I panic.

The fact that I am experiencing these emotions is very positive because it means that I am addressing them in order to move on and move on I will.

Emotional Healing

Its been one hell of a year to be honest with you. 

Started off in December when my friends horse died. He was old and ailing but I helped her out with him and being stable buddies not only did I have to deal with the loss of her horse but her as well.

At the start of January following the installation of my special "shed" I received notification from the council that somebody had reported me for running a dog grooming business from home! 

Really?

 If the council had camped outside my house for a month they wouldn't have seen a thing because I only groom dogs as a hobby these days in order to keep my hand in. FFS my health won't allow anything more.

That really did shake me to the core I can tell you especially as one of my original customers back when I was grooming died suddenly and I was diagnosed with a third breast cancer.

I can't really explain how it made me feel. I felt violated, watched, I felt as though I had the evil eye on me..... It was dreadful. Whoever did that to me .... well .... shame on them!

After that .... everything that could go wrong DID go wrong and what followed were months of operations, antibiotics, pain, pain and more pain.....

I do think that the shock and upset of the council report did have an impact  on my immune system which isn't the best after my other illnesses and contributed to the hell that followed.

So now I am at a point in my life where I am taking time out to draw breath and heal my emotions.

I have had some reiki healing which has helped alot, its a great energy which goes where its needed.

I have forgiven the person who reported me to the council. I feel sorry for whoever they are because if they felt that insecure about me or hated me that much then they must be very sad individuals. I won't waste any emotion on them other than pity and sadness. 

As for the cancer and what the failed reconstruction has left me with.... well ..... thats more difficult. 

I still can't look at myself or touch the area. It feels strange anyway and I have been left with a dishing effect so prosthetics don't sit well either. The prosthetics cause pain too and yet I feel exposed without them.

It is going to take a long time to come to terms with all of this mess and my new body image. 

Time is a great healer and I am sure that once I have accepted what has happened I will come to accept this new me - or will I?

Shopping

I feel quite sad and down. Things are changing very quickly with my youngest son growing up and finding his independence.

I have just been shopping for post surgery bras and I can tell you that they are vile. Well actually, no they are not its just the shape of my damaged chest distorts the prosthetics and therefore any bra I wear. Nobody can tell but I can and I feel sad.... I miss my breasts and looking feminine and pretty.

Now that has been said I then feel guilty for moaning about it because there are three women I know who have lost their lives to this disease so how the hell  can I be so bloody vain?

Anyway, here I am in Wrexham town sitting in Starbucks with a very large coffee watching people go about their business and trying to sort my head out.

Cancer be Damned

How ironic! The content of my last and very recent post.

I have just learned of the passing of a childhood friend to breast cancer.

She was the same age as me, first diagnosed in 2010 and she has gone.

Such a brave lady who despite being so very ill never complained and fought with courage and hope right to the end.

Always smiling, joking and so positive she never gave up hope.

She was so pleased to have had her photo taken with Mike Peters from the Alarm I was planning on getting him and his family to sign a bear with a guitar for her. That won't happen now...

If one thing can be taken from her passing today it will be to live for today and never take the moment in which we live for granted.

As she is gone I am still here.

Why?

How?

Survivors guilt.

Outlander

As regular readers of my blog will know, 2015 began with bad news and got worse.

At the moment, I am resting my mind trying to let it catch up with what has happened to me.

I discovered Outlander during that dreadful time of operations, infections and pain. Through the series I was able to escape from my troubles and pain and enter a world of magical escapism, romance and love.

The drama is set in Scotland, a land with which I have a great affinity. Indeed we are all Celt and have all been subjugated by the English in our past. Gaelic is verra similar to Welsh. Try as they might, even in my life time, they tried to wipe the language out but it survives such is the tenacity of our breed.

The costumes,  setting and casting of the drama is simply a work of art. Truly amazing.

Catriona Balfe and Sam Heughan are the best Jamie and Claire.

The drama inspired me to read the books written by the most talented Diana Gabaldon which are simply wonderful. Through the books I am able to enter the world of Jamie and Claire and escape my life for a while.

Outlander was written at a time of my life which was a struggle. I had lost my big brother in a car crash, my fiance at the time was treating me dreadfully and I had disordered eating.... I do believe that things come into your life when they are meant to and I think that's true of Outlander for me.

I have met a community of like minded people via social media and I was quite relieved to find out that I was not the only person affected by Outlander syndrome.

So here I am watching Outlander again and relishing each line in the books.

Thank you Diana Gabaldon for giving me Jamie and Claire and in doing so giving me sanctuary while I heal.

Thanks also to Team Outlander - you are all talented and wonderful people for giving me this gem with which to hide.

Grrrrr

I have put what has happened to me into a box and sealed the lid.

I can't think about what has happened to me this year because it feels as though I have been living as part of a horror movie.

I might be on the road to some sort of recovery physically but emotionally I haven't even started to heal.

The problem with the box that I have put into storage is that I actually forget what I have been through and as a result of that I expect far too much of myself.

I was offered my "dream" job working with horses as a carriage groom at Erddig, a place which has been dear to me all of my life.

It was only when my hubby pointed out the fact that it was too much too soon did I realise the time scale and I acknowledged what my poor body had suffered. It wouldn't be fair on me or my prospective employers.

So I have the range of emotions to deal with. ... anger, injustice, sadness and a feeling of overwhelming despondency. Will I EVER be ME again?

The strong warrior that I am I have taken stock and regrouped. Getting the job was a huge boost to my self esteem which has plummeted and it's given me the push to develop my career further and in other ways.

I received a copy of the letter that my surgeon wrote to my GP and was stunned to find out that my third breast cancer was in fact a relapse of my second but had returned more aggressively.

I am very lucky to have the NHS and the care I have received (apart from my recent surgeries due to cost cutting) has been amazing.

I owe the NHS my life. I am still alive to care for my boys who still need me and somehow I have a purpose in this funny old world to fulfil.

Life

Its been almost a month since I last posted. I have been busy getting my life back on track and writing has been the last thing on my mind.

I still want to do my photo idea which I covered in my last post but I am hanging fire with it until I feel the time is right and I do it in a way I feel comfortable with.

I have been enjoying getting physical again and the wonderful thing is, my back is getting less painful. Just shows you what carrying around two bags of sugar on your chest can do to you!

I am still coming to terms with what has happened to me though. Not sure if I will ever get over this episode in my life.

I get a few seconds of reality. Its like a wave washing over me, it comes and goes. I suddenly realise .... exactly .... just .... what .... has .... happened, and it feels as though my life has been part of a horror movie. As the horror registers in my brain, I instantly push it back into its box and slam the lid shut on it and carry on with my life.

I suppose my brain is still processing everything and by drip feeding in this way, I am not over come with the enormity of it all. 

I was thinking about my youngest son and how that a couple of years ago I was worried sick about his future, he was so depressed and sad, on a path of self destruction. He is now a handsome, tall and confidant teenager - I suddenly was overcome with gratitude! The realisation that I could well have died and not seen this transformation was like a cold shower. I cried.

Mixed Emotions

I am a week and a half post pain and infection so healing is happening within my body and I am starting to make myself strong again with exercise and clean eating.

My chronic back pain has re-started because I am walking more. I will have to have further visits to my chiropractor but all in good time..... baby steps, baby steps.

I was awake at 5am, unable to sleep so I listened to the Dawn Chorus. 

"Oh there's a dawn chorus breaking out all over the town"......

Oh my, it's the most beautiful music one can ever listen too. 

Sadly, 6 years ago, the chorus was stunning beyond comprehension but alas with the destruction of woodland and the building of houses in Lavister has pushed the birds away and it's no longer as loud or eclectic as it once was. 

However...... I am blessed! I still have my hearing to hear them and I still have breath in my body to be here to experience it. 

The pain in my lower back was gnawing at me, like a persistent ache so I didn't feel like picking up my kindle to read or indeed, getting up to welcome the day. So, as is usual in these sort of circumstances, my mind wandered .....

I don't want pity.

I don't want sympathy.

I am telling you this in order to cleanse my soul and my mind.

 Writing this blog has always been my therapy. Getting my thoughts and experiences "out there". Who knows, my writing MAY help somebody else ... I hope so.

I managed to categorise how I feel post mastectomy and failed reconstruction. I don't feel ugly, I don't feel sad or unlucky or angry........

I feel different from everyone else.

I feel like a reject.

I feel as though I am no longer attractive or desirable.

Yes, yes I know! I know!

Goodness, I am no longer a young girl. My body has given me two beautiful sons and battled cancer three times - I have lost the bloom of youth but at least with my breasts I felt pretty and now I don't.

I am crying while writing this..... See!! I told you it was cleansing to write and get my thoughts out there. Tears are the bodies way of washing away the dirt and healing the soul.

This will pass.

Life is good! I am alive and I am surrounded by good friends who have supported me and given me the strength to continue my fight.

Every time I stumble, a friend holds out a hand and helps me up.

At the moment, I am holding my friends hands in my mind. My friends don't realise this but their thoughts, gestures and messages are the hands which support my own.

Life is good.

I've Lost Count!!

So much has happened since 17th February that I have lost count on how many weeks have passed since my operation.

A week last Friday I had the stitches removed which had become embedded in my skin. Indeed, two stitches had tangled up with each other and were trapping a nerve hence my pain. Three syringes of fluid was also removed.

This could have been done on the Tuesday had my surgeon been available but instead I had to wait a further 3 days before my suffering ended.

However, the relief was almost instant and from the Sunday I gathered up my courage and started to go back to my horse care routine with continued help from my wonderful friends. I honestly don't know how I would have coped so if you are reading this...... Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

So here I am now..... my back pain has returned with a vengence but at least it's not a threat to my life and I know what I need to do to sort it out.

Spending this week with my boy has been the best medicine I ever could have wished for. Just being with him, smelling him, watching him, loving him has filled my heart with so much joy I could burst. (Don't worry, I won't burst because that would be rather messy).

At last, this part of my life is over and I am looking forward to the summer and making the most of life, after all.... you only get one!!

Love This Time of Year

I really do love this time of year..... SPRING....... fresh mornings and warm sunshine, its wonderful. 

I hope I have many more springs to experience on this earth.

I saw the surgeon yesterday for my post operative check. I now have no dressings on my right side and I am struggling to look at it. Itching like crazy as a reaction to the dressings which have been on for almost 2 months.

The other side is OK. She didn't expect to see pink skin so was pleasantly surprised. The drain was removed which erm let me say, was an experience. It passed from under my right arm to the centre of my chest..... yes.... will say no more on that subject!!

There is a small scab in the centre and now I will just have to wait and see how that heals. I am hoping that liquid does not leak out of it because that will mean having to have a VAC pump fitted and I don't want that.

Stitches come out next Tuesday so I am trying to rest until then in the hope that the skin will repair itself enough to avoid the VAC.

I am really enjoying the sunshine though, I have just come inside to rest from its warm rays. 

Bolt, my chinchilla rabbit is outside on the grass! His outside hut is due to arrive today and I am excited to see him investigate that!

He is such a gentle and loving rabbit.

I have had some beautiful gifts during this illness. One in particular springs to mind and I am going to post about it shortly - I will not go into further detail other than to say that the work involved, the comradely and team effort make it so outstanding.