Life is Good

I really feel at peace with life right now.

I am in a good place for once in my life.

The fog is starting to lift from my mind, my thought processes are becoming clearer, I am beginning to get myself back after the last 4 1/2 years of hell.

Things have changed so much during that time, life doesn't stand still just because you are fighting for your life.

Cost of living has gone up (allot) and my husbands wages have gone down (allot), with me not working since 2009 - we are under pressure economically. I never ever thought that we would be in this situation at this stage of our life together but having said that I never ever thought that I would get cancer TWICE.

Over the last week or so we have made some big decisions. We are going to down scale what we have so that we can consolidate our finances whilst supporting our youngest son through a difficult transition to a new school (I will cover that one in a post of its own). With him being on the Autistic spectrum its important to channel my energies into him.

During this time I am going to do more courses and studying so that when the time is right I can launch a brand new business. 

The thoughts are in my head at the moment, still in that brain storming phase before I put pen to paper and a plan of how I am going to achieve these goals.

Big changes in our lives but exciting times really. 

Things to look forward to.

At the end of the day I have a most beautiful soul mate in my pony Cola, I have my dogs, a fabulous husband and two (stressful) but gorgeous sons, an amazing support network of brilliant friends and most of all I have my life and my health. 

Life is good.

Teens!

I am filled with dread at the thought of a house with a teen for the next 6 weeks or so. The constant battles and arguments.... he is always right and I am the villain, the one who is wrong.

The only consolation I have is an article in the Telegraph which says that argumentative teens are showing Independence and that its good because they will be strong enough to assert themselves.

Yes this article is encouraging - its great news for me as a parent but how on earth do I survive it?

This always being right, never admitting to wrong. Saying things in such an off hand and offencive manner and then wondering why on earth you are upset and/or shouting.

Am I alone in this teen V mum battle?

Is this a new era type of battle or has it always been like this?

I feel totally overwhelmed by it all. Its different to when they were babies, toddlers, children... all of a sudden they are almost fully grown with their own ideas and understanding of the world. No longer can you soothe them to sleep or distract them with outings in the pram or on the bus.

This change seemed to happen over night and I am struggling to deal with this new twist in our relationship.

I never ever thought I would become the shouting mum, the mum who doesn't understand, the mum who is always wrong. 

Certainly at my time of life and after the ill health experiences I have had battling cancer for my life I didn't think I would have to deal with this sort of conflict.

On the plus side..... at least I am STILL HERE to deal with this conflict!

Hot! Hot! Hot!

We are having a little bit of a heatwave here in Wales!!

I hate it!!!!

It's been about 30 degrees here today.

Couldn't sleep last night.

Can't function today.

I think its because we are just not used to it here in the UK. We rarely get temperatures this hot for extended periods so we don't get the chance to aclimitise.

I have a beautiful black Fell pony.....

His paddock has no shade at all so I worry all of the time about him over heating.

However,

Most of all during weather like this.....

Remember not to leave your dogs in cars .....

Two dogs died this week as a result of being left in hot cars.......

Healing Hands

Healing Hands Animal Care.........

What do you think of that as a name?

I loved my job as a dog groomer, such a successful little business and I enjoyed the fact that I was helping scared dogs and new pups - very rewarding.

However.... almost 5 years after my first cancer and 2 years of treatment I have come to the conclusion that....

1. Mobile dog grooming is too physically demanding for me to do on a full time basis
2. As a carer to my Autistic son I need to be flexible in my work 

and with those things in mind I have decided to invest money into quite a bit of training so that I can set up an animal care business.

The idea is to be able to cater for all types of animals from fish through to horses. Care on a regular basis or care for holiday cover.

Having done my Reiki level 1 I want to go on to get my masters and also train to use crystals for healing and Shiatsu.

I can then offer holistic treatments for pets and their owners.

I want to include dog walking, vet taxi, dog grooming, behaviour, training and nutrition.

Will there be money in it for me? - doubt it

Will I be happy? - most definately

I was considering a change of career and working with disabled children as a teaching assistant but I think it would eat me up, caring for somebody without curing.

Animals have always been in my life and are such an important part of it.

My animals have got me through both of my breast cancers and my horse has most definately been my life coach and therapist on my journey of recovery.

I would be really interested in any feed back on my ideas........

Pride in Your Streets - Pride in Your Work

I have always been taught to take pride in my work. I have a strong work ethic and believe that when in employment nothing less than 100% effort is acceptable.

When I was working for a Japanese company, there was a set standard for how your work station should look. Sounds crazy and controlling but they got it right..... a neat desk equals an organised mind. (Pity I have never employed this thought to my own home!!)

I have always taken pride in my work and am always self critical because I strive to do my best for others.

I honestly wished that the refuse collection service of Wrexham Council applied the same ethics.

Considering our council tax has hiked year after year and cuts have been made to our services at the same pace.... I do expect to have a service delivered with pride.

This is not the case.

Although I have seen "Pride in Your Streets" bandied about by the council, it seems a bit of a double standard when their workers don't have pride in our streets and yet we are expected to!!!

What am I talking about??


THIS.................

Each week I take out my refuse and recycling bins and place them neatly outside my house to the side of my driveway and virtually every single week THIS is what I come home to.

We live in a small cul-de-sac with not much parking space or room for manoevre so its frustrating to have to abandon my vehicle blocking 4 other driveways while I remove the said obstacles.

All they need to do is place them back where I put them! Is that too much to ask? That way I can come home from work, park on my drive and then take my bins back in.

Rant over, complaint going in to the council!

Positive Energy

I was going to blog about trees because I have some pretty spectacular ones in my village, all shapes and sizes with a story to tell but instead I am going to talk about something which is close to my heart, inspired by something a friend posted on facebook today........

POSITIVE ENERGY

and her words were "THINK POSITIVE THOUGHTS AND THE WORLD AROUND YOU CHANGES, POSITVITY ATTRACTS POSITVITY !"

I live by this code or at least I TRY my best too. When something "bad" happens to me I try not to sit there and cry or wallow in it, I try to see the good in what has happened and grow from the experience.

True.... it's really hard to find the good in some things but trust me, if you look hard enough and if you are patient you will find some!

In this cruel world, things happen which are beyond our control..... You have to ask yourself on a scale from 1 to 10  what is the absolute WORST thing that could happen to you. You then have to "grade" that bad thing with that matter in mind and then you can see that its truly not so bad after all.

I count my blessings.

As I live and breath and experience beautiful things I give thanks.

Sometimes its a Robin come to visit....

Or it could be a baby rabbit hopping across my path......

Or like yesterday, the fact that the farms dog chose to come along and share the ride out with me and my pony.......

Good things in life don't need to be bought with money, they are all around you! Everywhere and free to enjoy.

Wear a smile on your face - it makes you prettier, more handsome and more attractive.

Think happy thoughts.

If you have a bad thought try to challenge it!

The best weapon you can have in life is a postive mental attitude.

Flippin Cancer

I was diagnosed in 2009 with a nasty breast cancer. Having said that, ALL cancers are flippin' nasty aren't they!!

2012 I had a second breast cancer, other side this time!

I don't carry the breast cancer gene, I don't tick any of the boxes for being at risk of the disease, I suppose I was just a bit unlucky.

Anyway.... blah blah blah I had lots of treatment, surgeries, chemo, herceptin, radiotherapy and hormone treatment.

I was on tamoxifen at first but because another hormone sensitive cancer grew in spite of this they changed my hormone treatment to;

* having my ovaries shut down with monthly injections (for 5 years)
* letrozol

Well..... the thought of having abdominal injections every month for years didn't really appeal to me PLUS the fact that the injections put me into a chemically induced menopause so in 5 years would I come off the injections then go through a natural menopause???? The thought of going through all that twice really filled me with dread so I PUSHED (and I had to push hard) to have an elected Oophorectomy - the best thing I ever did!! Keyhole surgery - recovery time was quicker than my breast ops and the discomfort was minimal.

The letrozol made every bone in my body hurt so I was changed to Arimadex. Although that it is better than the letrozol it still makes me tired, my brain fuzzy and my bones hurt.

On Thursday I am waiting to see my GP to go through some statistics so that I can decide whether or not I continue with the drugs.

My gut feeling is that I have had my ovaries removed which produced 80% of my oestrogen and with me losing weight and toning up my body I will naturally produce less.

I have been on cancer treatment for almost 5 years now, I have lost so much during that time and the side effects have been so hard to live with that I honestly can't face further treatment for another 4 years.

I am extremely lucky to live in Wales, UK so I have the NHS and the North Wales Health Trust has provided me with the best care I could ever have wished for. They are thorough beyond belief and leave no stone unturned.

I honestly want to get on with my life.

Back in 2009 I had to shut down my successful Dog Grooming Business "Clippers and Claws". Living with the side effects I have been unable to restart it and now another groomer has opened in our village. I am angry, I feel cheated and frustrated. If it hadn't been for flippin cancer I would have a salon right now and a successful one too.

So I have to put my frustration to one side and stay focused on the fact that;

1. I am alive
2. I can still groom dogs only not as many at the moment
3. I am taking very positive steps to cure my back pain