I hadn't realised that it was so long since my last blog post. Being without a computer doesn't help and while I enjoyed blogging on my smart phone, the fact that the software kept failing made it slightly annoying.
Its only February and already so much has happened in this year, far too much to talk about in one post and really, I don't know where to start!
So far, we have been blessed with a mild and dry winter which has been a blessing. Its meant that Cola has had winter turn out and that has made life a lot easier for me.
Storm Doris yesterday kept Cola was in for the day but he didn't seem to mind that as long as he had a continual supply of meadow hay.
As we approach spring I am filled with new hope for the future even though looking ahead fills me with fear these days. I have been signed off by the oncologist and for the first time in 8 years I really do feel that cancer is done with me. I only have to see the surgeons one more time at the end of the year and I will be written off as cured. I still don't understand why because my last cancer was 2 years ago but because that is considered a recurrence it isn't counted. In my book cancer is cancer but I am so fed up of hospitals and treatment and based on my own instincts and the fact I have no breasts left I am happy to wave bye bye to this part of my life.
I am considering NOT having reconstruction but accepting my life flat. I have joined a group called flat friends and they are giving me the confidence to be as I am now and not pretend to be as I was.
The reconstruction operation I would need would take up to 12 hours to perform and the outcome would be an A cup or at best a B..... Having been an FF I really don't see why I should put my body through such surgery and waste more of my life in recovery just for a tiny minuscule pair of boobs. Instead I am focusing on losing a stone in weight, toning my body up and that way I won't look too bad living flat.
I will try to blog a little more frequently from now on, its quite therapeutic writing my thoughts down and sharing them, my hope is that I can help someone along the way.
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