What a Week

What a week its been!

Ah well, its my weigh in day tomorrow so lets hope I have dropped some pounds. I am feeling slimmer but I will only be happy if it shows on the scales.

I am still running and active with Cola, today I took out his deep litter to scrub clean his stable in preparation for the winter and that was hard work, mind you, mucking out is hard work full stop so why am I struggling with my weight? Grrrrrr

My friends haven't been having such a good time of it and for that I am very sad. Troubles come in all shapes and forms and I wish with all of my heart I had the power to make them go away.

Shocked

I was waiting for my 10 year old son who has autism to come out from his mainstream school. As far as autism is concerned, Harry is on the high end of the spectrum and his main difficulties are speech, language and communication and the latter includes social communication. The subject is very complex and unless you have experienced life with children who have such difficulties you can't appreciate the massive impact it has on every aspect of life not just for them but for the family around them.

I digress......

I am trying to give Harry a little more independence in preparation for High School in 2012 so our agreement is that I wait on the pavement outside of school and he comes to meet me.

Yesterday I was waiting as normal when Ade one of Harrys friends and his mum came up to me in a panic to say that Harry had been beaten up in the cloakroom and was crying.

Like a tigress I leapt out of the car and ran to find him. I regret to say that in my shock I didn't partake in social "niceties" with other mums for which they may think me rude but frankly, I don't care, my priority in life are my children and their welfare.

Harry came to meet me with his teacher Mr Roberts. He was wimpering and clearly in a shocked state. Mr Roberts explained the situation to me clearly and assured me that although the assailant ran off home as soon as a teacher appeared he would be dealt with accordingly on Monday morning, Mr Roberts would not tolerate such behaviour.

Mr priority at that time was to get my son home and quickly so that I could sit him down and cuddle him. As a mum when something like this happens all you want to do is wrap them up in cotton wool and protect them.

Harry drew pictures of his experience for me and was able to talk about what had happened. As he recounted the events I was horrified that 10 years olds could possibly behave in such a way. Harry had gone to collect his belongings from the cloakroom and his assailant grabbed him by the neck and slammed him continuously against the wall before reigning punches and kicks all over him. Harry told me "I didn't know if he would stop".

As soon as somebody shouted that the teacher was coming the coward ran off home leaving my son in a state of shock, hurting and badly shaken.

I expect my children to be kept safe in school and indeed they are under the impression that they are safe in school but this highlights the fact that clearly they are not.

Once I got Harry home, he covered his face with his dressing gown and stayed that way until he was calm which took a long while.

As the evening wore on, I became increasingly angry at what had happened and frustrated at the fact that I have to wait two days before I can vent my anger and concerns.

Harry told me that he is scared to go to school now. He asked if school could be at home until he went to High School.

Can you imagine my frustration now? This boy up until 2 years ago point blank refused to go to school, I had to drag him there, and after school I would have a child in a black mood all evening. To have made a break through that he is happy to go to school these days and then have this situation knock him back is totally unacceptable.

So the plan is on Monday that my husband and I will escort Harry into school and to the safety of the Head Mistresses office and we will be asking for a guarantee for Harrys safety, re-iterating that he has autism, he has special needs and the school are obviously not catering for him. I will be asking that the childs parents are contacted, that the child is taken out of range of contact of my son and he is punished accordingly!

Same old, same old....

I am back to Weight Watchers but am doing it online. I have taken advantage of an offer they had and signed up for 3 months. I have 22lbs to lose to get back to being comfortable and happy in myself. I am not sure if I am going to be able to achieve my goal because of the tamoxifen but I am going to really try.

Slimming World was great but it just didn't work for me. Weight Watchers is a plan that has always worked for me and I like the freedom you have with it.

I discussed my weight issue with the doctor the other day and she is happy that it is the tamoxifen causing the weight issue and because I am active and fit she doesn't see it as a problem. As she said, if I didnt follow a healthy eating plan and wasnt as active as I am the situation would be much worse.

So I wonder how I will do this first week back on the plan? Lets see what Tuesday brings hey.

Andy Whitfield and Bearle

As you can see by my previous post, September isn't a good month for me! This was deepened by the fact that two deaths have impacted on me this last week.

The first was my neighbours cat Bearle. Yes, I know he wasn't my cat but he was my friend. He used to always come over to say hello and I would fuss him until he had had enough. In his last weeks he actually made a point of hanging out with me if I was in the garage. He particularly enjoyed to suck the jelly off the cat food I gave him, it gave him alot of pleasure.

In hindsight, following his death on Saturday 10th September, I like to think that this increased affection was his way of saying goodbye.

He passed peacefully at home with his family and died in his sleep. A gentle and kind end to an equally kind gentle soul. RIP Bearle x

The second loss was the Actor Andy Whitfield who played the part of Sparticus in the series.

I was amazed to find out that he was originally from Amlwch in North Wales because when I looked at his face they only way I can describe it is that it was like "coming home". Strange way to describe a persons face but thats how it felt for me. His eyes and bone structure remind me of so many of my family, my Auntie Heather, Nain and my Great Grandparents!

He was just 39 years old and died of leukemia, cancer.

He leaves behind a wife and two young children and my thoughts and prayers are with them and those he loved and loved him in return.

Cancer is such a dreadful disease. The death of Andy Whitfield, so young and fit shows you that its not fussy who it chooses to affect. Age, fitness, sex, stardom - cancer does not care a fig about any of them. Its the only exclusive club which has no queue to join!

I hate cancer.

I will always continue to fund raise because the more money we plough into research then the more chance we have of making cancer a liveable, treatable disease and not a life sentence.

I know I have said this before but I am lucky to have had my cancer now because progress has been made to ensure that I am safer these days of its return. The drug of herceptin has put me on an equal playing field for other forms of breast cancer.

So September sees the loss of two more lovely souls.

Peter Geraint Kyffin - My Big Brother

Ah September!

This video says it all for me, how I feel about September and sadly it probably says it all for those affected by the 9/11 tragedy ten years ago.

Tomorrow is 10th September..... at 6.42am on the Mold Road, my big brother Peter Geraint Kyffin was driving to work when he had a blow out..... A bright, dry morning, perfect driving conditions but that day his number was called....... He hit the curb at 70mph and ricocheted into a lamp post on the other side of the road. His car was shaped like a banana and the lamp post came down on top of him.

Peter was dead straight away. Massive trauma to the back of his head.

I heard from emergency sources (Wrexham is such a small town in that way) that when they turned up they knew he was gone and were more worried about the child car seat and the possibility of there being a child involved.

That day I was in work as usual. My colleagues were talking about a big crash on Mold Road and not being one for "cashing in" on peoples misfortunes I carried on with my work while they chatted. A phone call from reception to tell me I had a visitor. I always planned my appointments and no visitor was scheduled. I was then told it was my dad.

I went into reception and as soon as I saw my dad, things magically seemed to click into place. All he said to me was "It's Peter"..... my fiance at the time was called Peter but I knew straight away he was talking about my brother. I remember sitting down on the reception sofas, then standing up, doing this repeatedly until I was ushered into a room with my dad.

Nobody would let me drive home.

When I got home I was met by my mum, in tears. She was wearing a floral dress and had no shoes on, in the street! This wasn't like my mum......

After that the years went past in a blurr..... I don't remember allot of my life back then, I think your brain shuts down to save you from further pain which frankly I can tell you is unbearable.

I remember seeing him at the Chapel of Rest and he was lieing there so perfect.... so perfect.... and that's when it hit me...... I doubled up and cried.... I felt as though I had been stabbed.

I have never felt pain such as that since and I hope to God I never will.

So 21 years has past tomorrow at 6.42am when he left us and there is not one second of any day that I don't miss him. I can put the pain and sorrow away under lock and key but then days like today hit me and I am reliving the nightmare again and again.

I talk to my boys about Peter..... Harry looks remarkably like him in so many ways..... His hair line, the shape of his face, his head even...... They like to hear stories about him and that's my way of keeping him alive although to me he never died, he has been a constant in my heart.

I miss sharing stuff with him, I miss the fact that he never met Jason or my children.

I take comfort in the fact that I know he is out there somewhere looking after all of my beloved animals. I talked to Harry about this and he said "well I hope that when I die Uncle Peter will give me my hamsters back". Of course he will!

I caught myself earlier looking at the date on the computer screen.... 9th...... and the thought crossed my mind that 21 years ago on this day my brother had everything to live for. A lovely home, a caring and loving wife and a one year old daughter.

Its such a good job that we don't know what lies ahead.

So to Peter, my big brother, my mentor, my heroe...... Missed and Loved Always....

Your Yiper Doll xxx or YaYa xxx