I have put what has happened to me into a box and sealed the lid.
I can't think about what has happened to me this year because it feels as though I have been living as part of a horror movie.
I might be on the road to some sort of recovery physically but emotionally I haven't even started to heal.
The problem with the box that I have put into storage is that I actually forget what I have been through and as a result of that I expect far too much of myself.
I was offered my "dream" job working with horses as a carriage groom at Erddig, a place which has been dear to me all of my life.
It was only when my hubby pointed out the fact that it was too much too soon did I realise the time scale and I acknowledged what my poor body had suffered. It wouldn't be fair on me or my prospective employers.
So I have the range of emotions to deal with. ... anger, injustice, sadness and a feeling of overwhelming despondency. Will I EVER be ME again?
The strong warrior that I am I have taken stock and regrouped. Getting the job was a huge boost to my self esteem which has plummeted and it's given me the push to develop my career further and in other ways.
I received a copy of the letter that my surgeon wrote to my GP and was stunned to find out that my third breast cancer was in fact a relapse of my second but had returned more aggressively.
I am very lucky to have the NHS and the care I have received (apart from my recent surgeries due to cost cutting) has been amazing.
I owe the NHS my life. I am still alive to care for my boys who still need me and somehow I have a purpose in this funny old world to fulfil.